Advice pls. My guy is best friends with his ex.

Easy for me this one. No problem being friends with an ex, but being 'best friends' and sleeping in the same room? No. That's too much.

They need to respect you are around now and not do that. If it bothers them then they are not just 'friends'.

I never buy this 'best friends of the opposite sex, crap. My best friend is a bloke. If I visited him would it bother me if we slept in separate rooms? No, it wouldn't. So why would it bother them if they are just friends.

Even if there is nothing physical in it, it's a case of respecting you. If he won't do that then tell him to get stuffed.

Thank you gentlemen for your responses. They helped me a lot. Nobody from a woman though? A Pinay? We talked about it last night and I guess I only needed to understand how such a shift (romance-friendship) can transpire because it's something that's not very common. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he likes me romantically and he does not like her that way any longer, neither does she anyway. So he told me that over time they were best friends first before. They thought they liked each other more than that. They did but it turned out they liked each other in a different way to what they thought. Chris has dated women before me, so I think long before he's met me he's already decided on finding another woman to be with, hopefully for the rest of his life. Honestly, after hearing that, I felt relieved. I have a few good friends myself and even though they're women like me, for me, when a friendship is real it just doesn't get severed no matter what. Now the question I had to ask myself is that "Is him having her as his bestfriend a deal breaker to me?" At first I thought it was because I can't be in a relationship where I have to be insecure all the time because she's been there long before me. Or because it feels like she has more right than I do because she was there first. But I understood now. It may seem I'm giving him too much credit, but he's a really nice guy, too nice for somebody as maldita and moody as me anyway. He offered not to visit her until she can get a flat that has a lounge for him to sleep in. I still don't know what to think about the "respecting me" part. Where you gentlemen suggest I am due. I just simply don't feel I need to restrict him in any way, especially not with something he values. I can't deny the point but I think Chris doesn't see it that way. He's probably thinking that because they are totally more like brother and sister now it isn't supposed to be an issue. And he's very positive about getting me involved in their friendship in the future. This issue shouldn't arise more than twice in our relationship. Otherwise then I fear it's going downhill in a rocky road.

Its hard for us here to make a judgement call. We cant see your bf and have no means of communication with him. So we can only go on the limited info you have given us.

One positive is that he need not have mentioned his ex or where they were sleeping. He could have lied. But he didnt. That doesnt mean he isnt "cheating" on you. But it is one indicator, a good sign, that he may well not be.

I agree with John and it also sounds like you settled things in your own mind constructively. Good luck!

I agree, should I tell him I decided to seek advice from British people on a forum before confronting him? Hahahaha. At least he can defend himself right?

I'm still best friends with my ex wife, always will be and my current gf gets that, ( infact they have met each other many times),

My ex is more like a sister, nothing sexual but I still care for her.

Will be a tough one for you, you never met this guy or his friend so to be honest you will never know for sure, I guess you just have to trust him and your gut instinct, as many have said make sure you set up a Skype when they are together, if there is nothing to hide then this shouldn't be a problem, ( for example does she actually know about you?

It was me who said that, because it seemed that you were not happy with the situation. If you're okay with it then that's fine.

Hi Jen, By the way you shared your views and expressed your opinions regarding your BF being bestfriends with his Ex is never a problem to you and i don't think you are bothered by it.Looks like you are one of the few Pinays who are so level headed, that you understand it well, and there's never a n inch of doubt with what he is telling you.That to me, is an indication that you are at peace to your self, i hope i am right!
But Look, it's all men's views in this thread and most of them don't see it as plainly and as simple as it is.I mean, a man with his ex and now his bestfriend sleeping in the same room?

And since you are asking an opinion from a woman,I will share mine.
#1 RESPECT...When a man honors a woman he should show respect.Remember, respect is never solicited, it is freely given.
#2 UNDERSTANDING...A real man must have an understanding of what could make a woman feel good and not doubt.You started your post with some questions, "because" you had doubts.
#3INTENTIONS and COMMITMENT...A man should make his intention pure and make known his pure commitment to the woman, by being the most TRUSTED person a woman would have in her life.
#4 PURE LOVE.. this is the bottom line ..We all know that nothing can over power the power of the #PurestLove.

I hope you don't carry some heaviness in your heart when you tell us you believe him all the way...and at what he is telling you.I wish you the best in Life.Nothing is wrong with him being bestfriends with his ex but ..he himself should set limitations with his dealings towards her, so as not to make raise questions in your heart

Good to hear Nickel's opinion, a different take on the situation

Yep. Does that say something about us men then

Just shows that we look at situations like this differently, its the macho versus feminine.

Let me just say, that's just my 2 cents ..nothing about "just men type"...... but it's for real and good men actually which i'm sure there are lots of you here.And i believe, you guys would expect the same from your gf, right?

Oh, we like YOU too

Hi and welcome, Jenibele
I think no woman would be happy if the man was still in very close contact with his ex, no matter which country they were both from.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, in fact I would say he was being unreasonable in the extreme for sleeping in the same room as her. It is nice that he can tell you what is happening but that doesn't mean that it is ok.
I don't think 99.9% of British women would tolerate it.

My wife was like this in the Philippines..........then she moved to the UK

And since you are asking an opinion from a woman,I will share mine.
#1 RESPECT...When a man honors a woman he should show respect.Remember, respect is never solicited, it is freely given.
#2 UNDERSTANDING...A real man must have an understanding of what could make a woman feel good and not doubt.You started your post with some questions, "because" you had doubts.
#3INTENTIONS and COMMITMENT...A man should make his intention pure and make known his pure commitment to the woman, by being the most TRUSTED person a woman would have in her life.
#4 PURE LOVE.. this is the bottom line ..We all know that nothing can over power the power of the #PurestLove.

I hope you don't carry some heaviness in your heart when you tell us you believe him all the way...and at what he is telling you.I wish you the best in Life.Nothing is wrong with him being bestfriends with his ex but ..he himself should set limitations with his dealings towards her, so as not to make raise questions in your heart [/QUOTE]

Thank you Nickel for the kind compliment and most especially for giving me your honest opinion about this. I think you are right with me being confident., there's just no reason not to be. I lack a lot of things but being sharp and witty are not one of those things. I know very well when something doesn't add up. I asked for advice for me to gain courage to confront him with what was troubling me more than anything else. And guess what, I gained that. I would like to answer. To be fair with Chris,
1. I think when you have to solicit for respect you don't really deserve it. Ha! At 23, I do not have a lot of experiences with relationships, one thing is because I have been extremely careful and keenly observing every mistake my friends and older sister have committed. And young guys nowadays..or I wasn't just lucky enough to meet one here? Except for my first love which by the way had the same name as this guy. Second is because I have always wanted somebody I can talk about profound things, one thing that's hard to find locally. And with these reasons I am telling you that Chris went through a lot of filters to become as special as what he is now to me. He deserves it.
2. I never doubted he would do anything that's inappropriate with the best friend, at least while we are still this special to each other. What I doubted is that could there be still any romantic feelings they could have for each other? And is it possible that ex lovers could become bestfriends like that. Because to a lot of people that's impossible.
3. Intentions and commitment are things that take time, and something that go both ways, I believe. With the commitment though, we both have already. So we'll have to see the other one. Him coming over this January to spend three weeks with me would be the second step.
4. Ammp Pure love! Big phrase.

As I said, with me being the vigilant that I am you can trust me when I say it's not heavy in the heart to b say I believe him. Otherwise I would not be wasting my time, honestly. Us Pinays have it all and should never be settling for less. Never settle for less is what I always tell myself. See you around!

Chris is not okay right now he is feeling his illness again, but when he becomes better with medication I'll tell him about this thread which is all about him. Though not exactly the kind of person he'd have wanted me to paint him. Hahaha. Just kidding. I just felt that I didn't need him to know about this or I'd have gone straight to tell him what troubled me. But now the poor guy is a lot of things! I'll be checking the other responses from the gentlemen later. xx

My motto when it comes to relationships is,

'Why subject yourself to tuyo when you don't even like it, when there's pritong bangus, kamatis and bagoong on another plate?'

If you're not comfortable with a relationship anymore, then call it quits and leave. There are so many people in this world.

Confront the guy, tell him how his actions make you feel. If he does something about it, then stay with him. If not, then leave and find another guy that's right for you.

Life is simple. Don't try to make it so complicated. You don't even have a child with him yet.

That made me laugh! Haha, hmm not far from happening to me soon I guess.

As I said, as of now there are not too many complications in our relationship, so he's really an adobo. I don't think I made it complicated, I sought opinions of people and whether they were positive or negative I took them and thought through them all. Thanks Knightstrike