Advice pls. My guy is best friends with his ex.

So I'm online dating this 27 year old guy from Wetherby for four months now. I have been thinking over and over that he is a granted wish. We can talk about every single thing under the sun and not get tired of just doing that all day (we both can't really afford to do that though). We started talking when I was still in my last few months in college. Now I'm already working, we skype weekends when we are both free and are enjoying being silly on camera. I can say that we are making things work despite the changes in our schedules. I've already also played scrabble with his parents using an app, so they know about me and and have asked about me. My family also knows about him now, even my papa who isn't really very fond of Caucasians. Overall, I think things will be fine for us and even better when we see each other in January. Just one thing though, he is best friends with his ex girlfriend whom he was with for four years. They see each other regularly. She is also well-loved by his parents and is a good family friend. Last night he told me he would be skyping with his bestfriend when she moves to Nottingham to train to become a nurse. I said okay, then he asked me if it was okay if he visited her for weekends, I said sure because she is after all his bestfriend. He said he was just making sure and added that they would probably sleep in the same room but that he would be sleeping in a sleeping bag. I was really uncomfortable with the idea but I didn't want to demand that he stop doing what he does before I was in the picture. After that though, I was really quiet and monosyllabic and it came to the point where I demanded we stop talking for some time. Please, tell me, am I being unreasonable or is this a normal feeling? I'm normally not an insecure type of person but it's hard to not feel that way when I already like him this much.

why not skype him when hes staying with his ex ?

Uhh.. please elaborate your point sir. I simply don't want to steal what little time they could have to catch up.

Difficult call. Even with the best will in the world, an ex buzzing around can often lead to trouble. But there are always exceptions of course.

Perhaps you would feel better after he visits you?

If his ex is happy for him to Skype you, it helps prove a point.,

I agree with bigmac if you skype when they are together it will give you a chance to get to know her and then you can put your mind straight as to what there relationship is. At the moment you are filling in the blanks and thinking the worse which is not doing you any good and won't do your relationship any good

I'm actually chatting with him about it now. The good thing is that he assures me every question I have will be answered. As a Filipina though, you know we're not very confrontational and it's really really hard to raise such questions.

Hi and welcome to BF Jenibele. I hope we can allay any worries that you may have. May I ask a personal question in regard to your boyfriend. Why did he break up with his previous girlfriend seeing as they get on so well?

I'm the forever pessimistic type of person though not insecure and for what my advice is worth I definitely wouldnt be accepting of my then GF sleeping in the same room with a previous boyfriend.

for what its worth my filipina fiancee is jealous of my other previous girlfriends

My friends were like "Bestfriends with an ex!!! Save yourself some drama and stop talking to him" However I'm also thinking it's been two years since they've broken up, they had all the time in the world to get back together but they only remained friends.

friends with benefits ! ive had a few of those.

For what its worth I find it difficult to put any positive spin on the situation, any communication with an ex often means trouble, and as for him sleeping in a sleeping bag in the same room, come on be serious, it will only end one way.

One good thing though, he did tell you about it.

Remember Jenibele, these are just our opinions, there is no right or wrong here, you asked the question and we answered giving our opinions.

Thank you Halo-halo. Nice name! He said during the last few months of their relationship they both started growing apart, but it was mainly the lack of communication that they split up. He got sick and had to move back in to his parents to help him. He has this disease in the intestines. He did not tell her that, he said, and she thought he no longer found her attractive. (prolly the lack of intimacy during the flare-up) It was a bad break up, he said, but after some time they both started talking to each other again and that's how they became bestfriends.

I wonder what he would have to say if the situation was reversed?

You have been talking a while and he should know that Filipinas are non confrontational, he lacks respect for your feelings that's for sure.

Put your faith in someone that will treat you like the sweet and pleasant girl you obviously are

I really do not like to see Filipinas disrespected and taken for granted this way.

Sir, I believe in my heart this guy would not do such a thing. I don't blame you though, it sounds really BS. But he does have good morals. The girl is a Muslim too (of Indian descent) so I'm thinking she might be conservative as well?

I sincerely hope you're right Jenibele.

No I feel bad I made you think he and she can be that kind of person. We talk always. The only time we don't is when he's on a tournament, we're both working, we're meeting our own friends including her which is only for a few hours btw, and when we are sleeping. I have no reason to believe they can do it to me. And my questions are, why keep me? Why fly to see me? Why draw a portrait of me and post it to me? Why bother sending a birthday gift? Why spend each free moment talking to me?

If they want each other why drag me into the drama? It's just that everybody does not agree ex lovers can be bestfriends, absolutely everyone I asked was uncomfortable with the idea. As for me, I'm willing to be friends with her when the time comes, I just need to understand how the shift from lovers to bestfriends worked. I believe they've shared some really good moments together and still care about each other although in a different way now. Is that possible? Ughh I don't know anymore.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Its hard for people to grasp certain situations sometimes. Nothing is wrong with questioning yourself or others in order to get a better understanding. I wish you and your BF all the very best.

Jenebele you sound from the way you posed this question very level headed speaking for myself I have an Ex Wife an Ex partner both with grown up kids who I live fairly near to us now and am still on amicable terms with them both I help when someone moves share stuff around the "kids" and generally feel that we made good decisions and will always remain friends, Ive slept over in years past when passing by but that doesnt happen now, the Missus has met them both and now doesnt feel at all threatened

There is another ex who has held on to her bitterness that Ive been unable to be chums with but lifes to short to worry about it I think if your fella is open and up front along with your attitude you all have every chance of treating each other with respect and consideration , if I couldnt trust my missus to be honest with me then it wouldnt be much of a marriage so stay open to unusual possabilities and trust yourself to know if its alright for you .

No woman who shares a room with a man, even in a different sleeping bag, is "conservative".

I am sorry to say that it does not sound as if he is playing straight with you.