Long Distance relationships never last. They work only if they are clearly moving towards a Very Short Distance Relatioonship. If you have been married for two years, and you are still apart, then your relationship is drifting, and like most things that drift it will hit the rocks presently.
thank you for ur response seems i really need to prepare for it then :-( maybe i just gave him too much freedom but was hoping he'll be honest and responsible for that freedom that was given hoping he'll still come to his sensed and nxt yr he can come home if i can survive this
thank you,really comforting know ive been googling it for some time now and others say its not cheating,so was thinking maybe its the culture difference that makes him say he's not cheating i just couldnt justify it with him he has a silver tongue
i confronted the responses on here just to defend myself, but he just said he doesnt care what people thinks and he doesnt have to explain himself,his actions to nobody,not even to me he wasnt like this before he's always the one to keep on holding on to our relationship and makes me feel better or comfort me when my hormes are acting up,or feeling bad or thinking of giving up..but lately even before i found out about his constant chatmates,he already gives threats if i wont stop going about stuffs over and over again then that would be the cause of our breakup, or if wont stop this and that there wont be any "together" etc etc..every confrontation i tried always lead to an argument for him,and always having a go.. then when i found out about the chatmates,everything made more sense i told him im just afraid maybe if he might fall for them or he may think their better than me then eventually leave me for them who would know right? we started off on online chats as well but he keeps on saying on a moan that he wouldnt marry me if he'll look for someone else,whats the point he said (its his first time to marry)
I hope u find happiness it all seems a little bit one sided that your husband just does what he pleases and for you to just except this behavior. It's unfair and unreasonable for someone to be like this. Mrs gorilla would just jump on a plane home if I was like this. Wish you luck
I'm really sorry for your situation. I don't want to go giving advice that would help the breakup of a marriage. I feel you should do everything you can to help you and your husband talk and help him understand it's not OK for you that he is talking to other women. I do feel a long distance relationship can work so long as you both have the goal to be together and that you let that principle guide your every action. I feel that some of his actions indicate a lack of commitment but it's hard to say because we don't hear his side. However I do feel that you have a right to your opinion and that he should respect that. It seems one sided and I don't think it's that hard to understand that he shouldn't be talking to other women if you don't approve. If you feel strongly about it then he should stop. I wouldn't do that to my wife. Put bluntly, is he telling you that his female chat mates are more important to him than your marriage ?
Continued I think you should stick to your principles and what you know in your heart is right. You need to be able to resolve disagreement in a marriage without giving up on the marriage. I think it's important that you get this matter out in the open and talk it over with him. I have a few questions. How old is he and what is his job? How long have you known him before you married? And are you sure he is talking to women and not men? And finally I have another question. If you said to him "either you stop talking to these women or our marriage is over" then what would his response be? If you truly believe that he would give up your marriage rather than stop his online chatting to women then I think you have a problem.
Just trying to look from another angle. It's possible he feels the weight of the long distance relationship and may also be feeling trapped by his current situation. His online chatting could be his way into another world where everything is better. Living inside two worlds is even more of a weight to carry and has now, it seems, reached a high risk level. Based on your recent posts he may not understand the limitations of either world. Fantasy is always far better than reality. IMO he has already given up his real world No offence intended
thank you @Dublin boy , its like take it or leave it i would love to jump on a plane to his so we can have this sorted out
from the start i said he can talk to other women if he wants to, so long as he's gonna tell me, be honest, coz if its really nothing then no need to hide anything and lie about it. but he hid and lied about it so red flag i totally agree he might lack the sense of commitment, im thinking maybe he's not yet ready to settle down, not yet done enjoying single life yet, and when he keeps on saying "why would he marry at all if he'll still look for someone else it doesnt make any sense " i was thinking then maybe he married me just for the sake of it and takes his time there as a single bloke and when ever he's ready and finished then he'll come home to me i just asked before he's off to work if their more impt to him than me, he said ofcourse not coz im his wife and their just strangers to chat with
Well if they aren't more important to him than you, and you don't like him talking to these women, then either you should make it clear you want him to stop, or trust him and put up with it. You might have said you were OK with it before but as you said, he lied about it, which you don't like, and you're perfectly able to change your mind. You are entitled to your opinion. I feel that you need to get answers to serious financial questions that I mentioned above such as 'how much money has he saved?' and 'how much money does he need to move there?" so you can assess whether this idea of moving to the Phils is a serious plan or just talk. Your posts make me feel sad. You seem like you're trying hard to be understanding and hold onto your plans and that you're not being treated as well as you should be. I notice that you posted another thread on April 1st 2015 about moving to the UK on a visa. http://www.british-filipino.com/index.php?threads/visa-assistance-agency.10413/ It worried me a bit that in that thread, you said that "thank you for all the response i think hubby feels everythings a big hassle and will just move and live here in the philippines instead :-( " and "i just hope hubby will go thru the diff threads here too,coz he's leaving the research all to me so he'll work and i read hahaha" I think you should ask yourself honestly here - are you both equally invested in this? I also would like to know how long you have known your husband before you were married? I don't want to alarm you, but there are some men in this world who go to a country like the Phils, marry a woman so they can sleep with her and have a 'holiday girlfriend' without any real intention of actually settling down and following through with that commitment. I hope that you are not in this situation. That's why I asked how old is your husband? Is he in a position to retire? What are his long term plans for you to be together? You see - I agree that your husband might be 'escaping' the problems of his life in some fantasy land. It could be that he is coming to the realization that he isn't able to get you to the UK and he isn't prepared or able to move there and so he's 'hedging his bets' by chatting online. You should discuss that. God knows why he wants to chat to women strangers. I find it odd. Tell him to talk to men strangers then. However, if you don't like the current situation, then he has to stop. If he can't bring himself to respect your wishes in this way, I can see a lot of pain and suffering for you in the future. And if you can't find a practical way to be together, then you have to face that and address the problem. Be true to yourself and to your principles. You have a right to be happy.
further to the above post---you say you married 2 years ago--? well---the new immigration rules were in force then--were you both fully aware of the financial requirements for sponsorship --for a spouse visa?
hello @2die4, i read your post, if i were you, i start preparing myself to might be an outcome of this situation , also the everyday facetime morning daytime and bedtime its too much, make yourself busy instead of checking what hes doin, the more you ask about his chatting to other ladys the more it leads to breakup. why dont you talk about impt.matters for your future, i agree what @Micawber said...Fantasy is far better than reality...he's in the situation that he cant do anything for now about his annual income, i know how much he would want you to come in UK but its sad for him cause he cant do anything, thats why he want to breath some fresh air sometimes, let him chat to people if that his medium to feel good sometimes...like what i said make yourself busy and not to focus on this matter much....you'll be ok.
I don't agree that talking every day is too much at all. She's his wife! And if she wants to talk to him every day, why not? It's a good way to stay close isn't it? I spoke to my wife twice a day every day for four years sometimes for 18 hours at a time. They live in different continents and they need that contact. They are supposed to be working towards one life, together, not chatting to other women. And also, it looks to me like they have given up trying to be in the UK and instead have some vague plan about moving to the Phils. I hardly think annoying your wife by having a female chat mate is the right way to go about it!
I agree, more contact the better, I can count on one hand the amount of times I didn't Skype with the wife over a eight year period. It was always the highlight of my day, and for her I hope
"Communication is the key" has always been our motto. Though I was having my 'tampo', I still answer my phone whenever he calls. I don't know what's in him when he'd ask 'tampo ka pa rin??', I'd answer 'I hate you' of course it's the other way around and we both end up laughing at each other.
