I wanted to share this with you. Hope its ok

I'm finding it extremely difficult to get over my wife leaving. I married this woman from the Philippines. She looked so sad when I met her and my personal feelings for her were larger than my own life. She longed for love' that I thought'. I had to fight hard to get her to England for 2 years, Taking the embassy to court and every effort moment was found to be very mentally stressful. I lived alone with my 2 children for 4 yrs and then Mary finally arrived and it was time to live again. Over the next 3 years was challenging. Mistakes happened involving both of us and Mary had a time of illness that ide never experienced so bad in my life, her moods were very up and down too but still I stood by her, Some Filipinos had filled her head with things like, I only got her here to care my children. I didn’t need any women to care my children, l was and happy to fulfil that part of my life alone.
The day came. Mary went missing on the 28th October, She made a call to police 5 days later that she was ok and moving on in life, she wanted to remain hidden from her family. She took little as in clothes and her laptop and papers and some money to survive. It’s now the 18th of November, the children and I are so lost. People get chances in life and ide hoped it was my turn with Mary returning but I fear that not to be......I love Mary and thought our marriage was for life. I had my weaknesses that affected me and added to the problem even though Mary didn’t know. It was said by an anonymous person that Mary wanted to leave her home and the Isle of Wight to gain her independence, Received that recently. She had that within our relationship, she could work and play and flourish, ‘Grass is only greener for a little while’. Instead she chose to run from those that loved her so much.
I now believe that falling in love with her and bringing her here destroyed her old mind and opened a new world of opportunities that were greater now than what I could ever offer. Mary was 2 different people to me when influenced by others. I somewhat know that she was led to take that path too, Given direction by other Filipinos.one, two on the island and others from the mainland saying that she should join them. It clouded her judgement. l will never understand fully and probably never know where she is or if she is properly safe. Probably will never see her again. She may of planned, I don’t know and Ide hate to learn that was the case but what l do know is a part of me as very much died now. Yes we all go through this in life at some point but I truly feel this way and l need to find some peace. I've been such a lively character in life and even over powering at times but this was never meant to harm. That part of me as gone at this time and l fear it will never be the same. I have made some plans to find some peace and working hard to protect the children and still do my duty by them. They don’t see my upset because I keep it from them and they do see their real mother still so a bit easier for them. My door remains open to Mary but I don't know how long it will stay that way.
Even with my mistakes to Mary which were mis-understandings because of such different cultures, l know that she was the one for me but sad to think that maybe I wasn't the one for her. I am very much damaged now and it is said that time is a healer. I fear this one is going to take a long time. I wish Mary well on her journey but miss her so much and hoped that journey had been together. I’m mixed with emotion and anger but forgive her for what she as done and I wish she would just think for that second and say to herself, what have l done and then just drop what she is doing and come home...
We love you Mary and being somewhere else doesn't mean you can achieve your goals. You can do that where ever you are but having the support of your loved ones, Me, the children and your family. I know you have listened to people who have their own gains or life they are not happy with so set out to destroy others, They have achieved that with you but you can change it. Look for it in your heart and see, we' your family are here God Bless and keep safe. Love always Damieon, KC and Logan, Isle of Wight xxx
PS people may say that its best to keep a lot to yourself but a lot of you were a part of this due to learning it from the radio and on blog sites. I feel I owe this to you all and thank you for the overwhelming support even when you didn’t know me personally.
I don’t like facebook really but knew this was the best way to get across my thanks.
I closed facebook to because it was to easy for me to keep searching for her but I don't want to anymore. I need to respect her wishes to remain where she wants to be.

Thank you for posting here. Very difficult.

As you say, she has been talked into this, probably by other Filipinos and maybe she was feeling lonely in a strange place and strange culture?

Sad to hear of your plight, I know from personal experience that there is always one of the estranged couple who is affected more by the split than the other. It appears that she has been persuaded by her peers that moving on is the best way forward for her. We are of course hearing one side of the story so it is difficult to appreciate the full picture as to what has gone on.

I think I can speak for many of us here at BF that have been in a similar position that it will get better with time, my own advice at this stage would be to make sure you do not get hurt financially as you have emotionally, I made some bad financial decisions when I was in your position relating to the ownership of the house and the like and I lived to regret it.

Thank you for your thoughts. Mary had been acting strangely not long after she arrived, Jealousy was the first. She lost me friends from years. The next was her sister had died and she later months started to behave even worse from hearing voices to a night I will never forget.. Like she was possessed. it was that bad I videoed her to find answers. I had to call the hospital and they wanted to section her but I convinced her to go. She blamed me for putting her there but I was so worried about her. a few months later and her not wanting to take medication she started doing face book and deleting me and the children and changing her pages under her Maiden name. she wanted to work and I said ok but we work around the children. but the work she wanted was steering to the mainland. During this full year I didn't know her. She loved me and showed it but then another day she didn't. She was jealous over a lady keep wanting to talk me. I think she thought I was having affair but this was untrue. I blame myself because I did just say hi in the street etr. Mary said ide disrespected her I didn't realise how bad it effected her and l should of. Then some 1 Filipino supported her but in a way that meant to harm the marriage because her life was a mess. Mary would not engage with other filipinos as a rule. she chose to be at home. I was for ever asking if she wanted to go places but most times she declined ...Mary's mind was all over the place. The day before she left. we had a wonderful day.. She wanted me to give her piggyback in town, we went to a party and on the dance floor last dance she said please don't leave me. The next day she is gone. I was their for her and miss her so much. What Mary as done to me I don't believe was her and it was a mix of health and interference.
We have a good home and I told Mary she didn't have to work if she didn't want too. I fear maybe I supressed her a little and over protected her. This I only did because of how she was but that changed. Something changed and that makes me confused, lost. ive lost a stone and half in these 3 wks coz not able to eat. My children im so sorry too because of this. No closure, Not knowing if she is ok, or if she is in bad hands. I forgive her for going but hope she forgives me for whatever she thinks I done to her. Damieon

Damieon

Sorry to hear what has happened,

Your blog has some similarities to what my own wife witnessed of a young girl recently (who was residing away from her own family) and seemed to be too much of a coincidence, well after a little bit of searching on the internet i discovered this :-

http://ssrdqst.rfmh.org/cecc/index.php?q=node/290

this may help understand what may have possibly happened?

To have someone to just go, without being able to express your feelings i can only imagine,
you can only think 'what if ?'.

I do hope your blog here will reach her one day.

One world, I don't know what to say......Its what now I believe as happened and saddens me because I can not find her to help her. My wife as gone and stupid Filipinos who think they help but didn't consider the other side of story or know what as been happening to my wife.. I hate myself for not seeing it... I thought ide done it all by contacting the Hospital. Mary refused to believe she had been ill and refused the medication...The hospital work on that if you refuse medication then you refuse treatment. End of case. How can I find my wife when law states you can not search as its classed as harassment. I've lost my wife to this now......You can not fix that doesn't want to be fixed and you can not find, what doesn't want to be found and she is both of them Her stubbornness and beliefs.. It clearly states if a Filipino beliefs finds out they have a mental issue, they class themselves as having 'Bad Blood' which can be a sin to God. I am very lost now and fear that knock at the door by Police, She is dead. She had an assessment 2 weeks before she left me but in the statement you sent it clearly says that Filipinos hide it and smile.. That's what Mary did and they couldn't see anything else but Mary sure in her mind that she was ok . Mary smiled at me all times but I knew something was wrong.. She wasn't able to let it out and hid it instead till she had her psychotic episode...and I believe it was her sister who passed away working through her. It stated that to in the report that a dead family member would come forward if the person was in that state of mind.

It's very difficult for us British people to understand the huge pressure that the need to "conform" socially puts on people. This includes never admitting that you need help. Then there is the web of obligation that a Filipino or a Filipina lives in, with debts, financial and moral, in every direction. And then there is a whole world of religion and superstition that we cannot enter.

How can I help her if I can not find her, How can I make her see that it can be sorted and supported by me her husband and not loose our marriage to it.

I am sure that she will contact her family.

Edited to add - you are the only other person that they know in the UK.

If you can, try to stay in touch with them.

Your mind is working overtime..... there is no reason to think the worst as you say the police are happy she is ok.

Most probably she has sought solace with other Filipinos.

The girl i mentioned earlier, is now well without medication, she is back in the comfort of her own family.

yeah I know...The police on other hand usless. They didn't go see her just happy with the phone call...I just need to move on and will take some time that's all.

Hi global_star and welcome here.

Sorry to hear of your predicament. It is very sad to hear that she left in such a way.
Real communication and honesty seemed to have been lost.

It seems to me that the relationship broke down in her heart and she was not able to discuss this with you.

Perhaps the only thing you can do is to move on even though it is a difficult thing for you to do.

No-one knows what the future brings and she may have a change of heart but it is best that you do not stop in your tracks as she may have started a new life.
If she has really moved on, you may not be able to help her.

After reading your story, i noticed you mentioned " she is good today, then different the next day sort of condition?You also mentioned "Mary had a time of illness that ide never experienced so bad in my life, her moods were very up and down too but still I stood by her"
Were you able to talk to her Doctor, and has he/she mentioned anything about "Bi-Polar disorder? Or was there any other diagnosis?Whatever that is , i can feel the sadness in you, but i guess, things at times had to be exposed so you can deal it properly.
I don't know how this would help you, but maybe you can have her medical records as proof to the police or any government assistance office to ,so you can ask for help , that she need to be found so she can have her medication in proper.
One by one, things should be dealt with ..start from this point , then when she is okay, you can discuss more, but little by little.Don't lose hope!
Just do it one at a time and all else will be okay then.

This is all so sad, and I feel for you. However, she is not here now and cannot be helped by us? You can.

If you continue not to eat, and to deteriorate, consider contacting me - I know a few quick-acting techniques that might help if it's starting to get too much.

Hi Damieon,
If you are feeling depressed you should go to the doctor.
Everyone needs help sometimes in their lives.