Your perfect evening in front of the google-box

Ok - you've got the house to yourself - your partner / kids have gone away overnight. If you could design your perfect evening's viewing entertainment what would it be? Assuming the evening kicks-off at 6 pm and ends around 1.00 am here's how mine might look.

6 - 7 pm - A couple of classic UK comedy shows to get things going. (Choose from Porridge / Fawlty T / Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads / Blackadder (2 or 4) / Alan Partridge

7 - 9 pm - Documentary slot (Attenborough "best-of compilation" / Egyptian / Roman / Inca - Mayan history / Brian Cox (cosmology) or Ian Stewart (geology/volcanoes ) / WW2 (Sink the Bismarck / Tirpitz / Battle of Atlantic etc)

9 - 10 pm - M*A*S*H (loved this so much as a teenager. Hawkeye / Trapper/ BJ / Henry Blake / Hotlips / Frank B etc) Got to be UK version i.e. no laughter track.

10 - 11.30 pm - Movie time ( Goodfellas / The Longest Day / Passport to Pimlico / Titfield Thunderbolt / Whisky Galore / North By North West / Rope / Dial M for Murder / Blazing Saddles / The Day the Earth Stood Still / Forbidden Planet

11.30 - 1 am - Music (History of Rock / Metal / Punk / Prog / Reggae / Fender / Gibson / Marshall )

The evening would be lubricated with a few Tanq 10s / Fever Tree or Highland Park's and a meat-feast pizza.

Bliss!

I could have suggested many other programmes but a selection from the above would send me of the Land of Nod with a satisfied feeling - doubtless replete with eyestrain!

Comments from Filipinos very welcome - I may not get some of the references but having sampled telly over there last November I venture to suggest drama and sponsored game shows will feature!

Gerry

Our tastes are very similar, Gerry. For comedy, one has to include one with the brilliant David Jason: Only Fools and Horses/Darling Buds of May/Open All Hours/Still Open All Hours. What about 'Allo 'Allo, Rumpole and Last of the Summer Wine?

Yes indeed Markham, I share your taste in comedy 100%
Hopefully the evening would be one when a good soccer match, EPL, FA Cup or Champions League. was being shown.
I would fill the rest of the evening courtesy of Netflix, one of their great series, The Crown, Vikings, Peaky Blinders come to mind.
Dinner would be Nandos chicken meal with a couple of beers, the rest of the evening lubricated by my old mate Jack.

18:00 Finish watching the afternoon's football. Derby County have gone top of the League with a 4-1 victory over our main promotion rival.

18.01 Order a celebratory meal to be delivered. Chicken Balti, Mushroom rice, Garlic Naan Bread

18:10 Jack Daniels & Coke Zero

18:15 A travel documentary about the Philippines gives me ideas about our next holiday. Google flight prices, accommodation and "Top 10 things to do" for a good 45 minutes, with QI/Mock The Week/8 out of 10 Cats in the background on Dave

19:00 Dinner is delivered. Decide to go caveman and not dirty a dish. Succeed in getting rice on floor, settee and in hair. Curry stains the white coffee table. Curry fingerprints on Jack Daniels bottle and glass. More fingerprints on freezer door when I went for ice. Use a tea-towel to clean up which turns yellow. I miss most of an unseen episode of Top Gear as a consequence although one part makes me laugh so much, I am forced to spend a good part of the rest of the evening with an irretrievable grain of pilau rice lodged in one of my nostrils.

20:00 Jack Daniels is beginning to kick in. Give up trying to perform the Heimlich Manouvre on myself in an attempt to dislodge the trapped rice. JD&C #3 and #4 accompany a DvD of Monty Python's Life of Brian. Deciding to improve my Mandy impression at high volume somehow upsets the neighbours, who bang on the door.

" 'E's NOT coming out! 'E's been a naughty boy!" I shout back through the door. "Now piss off!" I screech.

This causes a bout of laughing and coughing so strong, that the aforementioned rice grain shoots out across the room at great speed.

21:30 Pleased with my victory over the rice grain, I settle in to watch the second movie of the evening. A choice of Goodfellas, The Godfather or a recently downloaded copy of Hacksaw Ridge. The newer movie wins out and I complete my mission to become totally blootered developing a deep unfocused and mostly incoherent hatred for the Japanese. Vow to get rid of anything Jap I own, but back down when I realise that the telly is a Toshiba.

23:30 Barely able to see, Match of The Day completes the evening viewing as I watch groups of millionaires roll around on the floor in apparent agony at the merest touch. I slur my disdain and indulge in a little maudlin nostalgia for the days of Franny Lee having a punch up with Norman Hunter at the Baseball Ground.

03:47 Wake up on settee. Stagger through to bed. Sleep fully clothed across the bed.

weve all been there--done that. but at least i woke up fully clothed IN bed. though not always my own.

When I was young, before marriage, I always used to say that if I wasn't in bed by midnight on a Saturday, it was time to go home..........

Enjoy a drink Chris, but the days of getting that drunk are way behind me. A few beers, glass or two of wine with dinner followed by a couple of large JD's is enough for me.

Clothes or bed?

The days of Derby County being top of the League are way behind me too!

Most pinay ladies would be watching a korean series.I have been away from ph for nearly a decade so im nearly immune.

My ideal one is top gear re-runs and any football match.

Many a great show there Markham - brilliantly written and acted. I would except "Still Open" as I couldn't watch it - a pale imitation of the original produced I felt to top up David's pension fund.

Unlike most of my mates I'm not a massive sports fan ---- although I've followed Glasgow Celtic for over 50 years. I do enjoy Match of the Day and a decent international or Champ League game.

Jack Daniels is way too rough for me - a good single malt or decent gin hits the spot for me. In my early 20s I had a close association with Mr Smirnoff!

G

Most enjoyable read Chris - you have a great flair for humourous prose.

You mentioning the Baseball Ground evokes memories of watching MOTD in the 70s and watching your heroes in white tops participating in a collective dirty protest in the BG quagmire!

Life of Brian is deffo in my top 10 all-time fav movies. The quality of writing is sublime.

I'm no petrol-head but really enjoyed the original Top Gear. The specials Polar, Vietnam and Patagonia ones particularly memorable for me. Clarkson is a right-wing tw@t (although he overplays this for effect I feel) but he's a gifted presenter and journalist (his self-penned documentary on the Commando raid on St Nazaire was compelling television.)

G

Good to have a few "notches on the bedpost memories"

Would love to see the resurgence of former major clubs like Derby, Leeds and Wolves. Large, passionate, fanbases.

The financial clout and hegemony of the Premier clubs make this difficult of course.

I would binge-watch The Wire, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Game of Thrones, Chef's Table and anything Attenborough Documentaries are also welcome. Off the top of my head - Jiro Love Sushi and Searching for Sugar Man.

I don't watch local TV anymore, but I used to enjoy the features and documentaries on GMA News Channel.

I must be the only person on the planet not to have seen a second of BB or GoT! I've not yet caught up with box-set culture. Mind you I've also never seen any of the Star Wars franchise either.

With my love Kris (@inaroiles ) still in Bacoor most of my free time is spent on Skype!

Gerry