Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"
Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK,BANG Paddy "OK, done that, what next?
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. " Holy S**T" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!"
George devoted his entire life to the small Greek village in which he lived and, at 93 and on his death-bed, was soon to die in. He motioned to his great grandson to whisper his final words... "Stavros," he said faintly, "You know the only bridge that leads into our tiny village? Well I designed, funded and built it, but they don't call me 'George the Bridge Builder.'" "You know the town hospital? I designed and built that too, but they don't call me 'George the Hospital Builder.'" "And the only church in town... I built that too, and they don't call me 'George the Church Builder,' but you get caught :sex: just one goat..."
