Marriage in the Philippines Catholic wedding

myself and partner are thinking of getting married later this year have been in a long term relationship coming 2 years in April ' my partner has a 5 year old son who I accept as my own and he thinks of me as his father. I've met my girlfriends family on 2 occasions I'm not overly keen on them but that won't be a problem as after we are married I will be bringing her and son to the uk asap once I get info on how much I need in savings or need to be earning 'I want some advice on marriage as it seems quite complicated in the church we are both Roman Catholics both never married has anyone married in the church rc or Protestant 'what I want is some guideline I was told on another forum British expats it takes about 1 month to 5 weeks to get everything organized before we could actually have the wedding Apparently there are lots of certificates to apply for an exchange for local versions also marriage guidance from the local church looking for any advice thanks kindly .

Thanks for the Advice from reading other posts a civil wedding seems less complicated and could be completed in under 30 days I was kind of hoping the distance between Cebu and the U.K. Was relevant from my partners family . I will ask if her sons fathers name is on his birth
certificate thanks .

The family connection is almost impossible to discount. Not always granted but in most cases.
Marry the girl, marry the family. You'll need to agree between you the ground rules about family support before getting hitched. IMHO

Have they distanced you in some way ?

The feeling I first got from the family that they smiled a lot but the smiles where not as friendly as intended ' and they seem to be fascinated By money as they have very little it was daunting meeting her inlaws as I had flashbacks of an old movie once featuring Humphrey Bogart out in Africa where some natives caught some tourist's in the bush and they unfortunately ended up in a large cooking pot ' from what I've gathered so far from Filipino community is a lot of jealousy towards foreigners and some also can be ungrateful and inconsiderate people sorry if anyone takes offence by that .

incredible. youre offering a future for your lady in the uk--for her and her child !! beyond most girls wildest dreams---and yet you sense some animosity to you ?. you need to tell some people the facts of life.

have you worked out the financial requirements you must meet yet ?

I'm aware I have to earn over 16800 a year to Apply for a visa for new wife and possibly another 2000 for her son to join us ' i think her family are trapped in a time warp and seem to be easily manipulated by each others greed for
Money !problem is a lot of her family live within close proximity of each other so where expecting me to build them a house which was quickly knocked on the head as won't be happening . Girlfriend still goes on about Filipino culture and her mum said this and that but I can see right through her mother and father ..

youre wrong about the financials. its £22,400 for sponsoring a partner with one dependant child.

get well familiar with this :

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/270484/VAF4A-Appendix2.pdf

if i were you--i would get her to apply for a " fiancee" visa--and marry over here.

the more distance you put between her and that family--the better. youre NOT marrying them. got to be---your way--or no way.

You can take that attitude as much as you like, but the fact is that if you don't give her some leeway on it then it will probably put a big strain on your relationship.

If you don't want any of your earnings going to them then fair enough. That's your prerogative. But you need to appreciate that she will probably get intense pressure from members of her family to give them money.

Once she, herself, starts earning then I would say that if she sends some of her own money to her family then you need to allow for that at least.

You have found yourself in a not too unusual situation for the Philippines, "par for the course" in fact.

If you do bring your loved one and son to the UK just make sure you set some ground rules relating to remittance that you both agree with, I have the impression that your future in-laws may see you as a bit of a cash cow.

A lot of Filipinos have the misconception that all westerners are rich unfortunately.

It took my wife a little while to understand what others are saying to you in this thread. I have no problem with helping her family and I was in a fortunate position that I was able to help most of them to a point but its important to know where to draw the line. Maybe help the parents but do you then help the brother and sister, what about nieces and nephews? It goes on and on. Its a hard man that refuses to other help to his wifes family but thats my opinion and yours will probably differ and thats fine. Everyone is different and has different ideas on whats important and what they can actually afford or do. Of course none of this is helped by poor exchange rate either.

My wife is the youngest of 7 brother and sisters so we agreed to help them but in turn as it would drain us too much to do it all in one go. What we found though is there is massive jealousy when you start to help one and not the other, but they have to wait their turn. It does cause problems and its best not to listen to rumours from other family members regarding other family members. It causes a lot of problems that are difficult to sort out as and when you manage to get your partner and her son across.

Sorry I appear to have rambled on there! Regards the wedding, we got married in a church in the philippines and its was a right job to get sorted. We only managed it due to my job allowing me long enough in country and some "gifts" to the right people at city hall. If I where to do it again I'd go the civil route and use the cash left over for putting towards the paperwork for getting your partner across

You hit the nail on the head Timmers ' they have this misconception that westerners are loaded which for the average working man in the uk isn't the case .

I could look into that but I'm sure you would need to produce lots of paperwork letters remittance slips phone bills ! and the such to show your Actually in a relationship! and then there is also the concern of her getting turned away at heathrow airport and thanks for the link I shall save that one

And I'm also considering a civil wedding as from what I've been told is that it can be carried out in 11 days ,and can save a lot of money as for helping my girlfriends rather large family they seem to have this drummed into there heads that the uk's streets are paved with gold and that money trees line the streets
which we all no isnt true ' as I get the feeling it is part of the marriage that I have to support them .

I dont think its a misconception but more a misunderstanding. We Westerners are indeed "loaded" in comparison to your typical Filipino, that's a fact. The misunderstanding is that they don't realise that with the high amount of money (comparitively) we earn we also pay high taxes. It's a natural sentiment all humans have. Even us in our own country can see someone driving a ferrari down the road, invariable one of the first thoughts that pops into our head is, he's loaded. We all do it, all humans, we measure each other in monetary terms.

Edit: Also one has to bear in mind that there is usually one or at max two breadwinners within the large close-knit family at best. This means that they are providing for all, generally, without question. My wife herself who incidentally doesnt come from a poor family gave all her wages to her mother. If she then wanted to go out with friends she would ask her momma for money. This isnt just about money but respect for elders which is what your gf will be feeling.

From a personally point of view I do not under any circumstances buy into looking after my wife's family, it niggles me to be honest and I almost find it offensive, it may be the norm in the Philippines but it aint the norm for me. I'm sure my wife sends money to her daughters in the US, but she works for the money and can do what she likes with it as long as I receive my agreed sum each month for living costs.

To be perfectly honest I have never been asked for money by my wife's family as they are quite wealthy by Philippine standards, if I had I would never have brought my wife to the UK.

Next time you're together you need to sit her down and see what her expectations are regarding the finances, finances remember are the main reasons for arguments and divorce, better to get it all out in the open then you both know where you stand.

Its all down to what principals you hold on the matter at the end of the day, I have given you my personal opinion I know others on the forum look at it differently, each to their own as they say.

set the record straight, tell them you don't have extra to share as you have only enough for yourself and future wife.
If you start giving they wont stop milking you.

I agree. You need to be firm and either send zero (and stick to it), or, if you decide to send a certain sum of money every month, then make sure that you don't ever deviate from it.

I would recommend that if you do go that route, that you make it clear that there will be no other money forthcoming - and that you don't send too much - if you send too much money then all will happen is that a bunch of other relatives will be visiting the parents for handouts, and a bunch of people probably won't bother working. And the demands for money will get bigger and more frequent.

Favourite trick: Ask for money for some important item (like a doctors bill). You sent the money. Then you get a request for more because it wasn't enough - because they had to spend some of it on (some other item).

Fix: Totally ignore the drama, the excuses, the mysterious illnesses, the well needs fixing, the motorbike is broken, the electric bill needs paying, all the built in garden of excuses that people have for asking for money.

You have to be seen to be absolutely firm. Otherwise, whatever you send will never be enough and there will always be requests for more. Which will get worse and worse if you pander to it and give in. Trust me on that.

My wife and I send a regular (small) amount every month. And we absolutely refuse to deviate from it. The payment happens on the 28th every month, and that's it, regardless of how many silly stories and drama come our way in the middle of the month.

As for deciding who to help and what help to offer, well I have a rule that parents quality for a support handout. Siblings don't get support but if they have a productive way to improve themselves, like a course, then I might consider it. But I won't just consider any half assed cockamamie scheme because that's usually a request for a handout in disguised form. They can work and if they have the drive and ambition to be better and earn more money, then that means they need to come to me with a plan as to what course they can attend and how it will help them and how much it will cost. And uncles, cousins or other relatives get zero.

I agree with this, too. You need a firm hand from the start. Thankfully, my wife is very firm with people, although it does stress her sometimes and she often gets into arguments with people on the phone.

She sends her mum £100 a month. The problem is, people start asking her mum for money, and she has to strongly tell her mum that the money is for her and not them. And you get things like one person asking another person to ask her for money.

I can always tell when she's got problems like this. She types more aggressively

She also sends stuff over for her nieces and nephews, which she likes doing. This causes arguments from the kids' parents, who want money not bikes. Unbelievable really. She gets gifts for the kids and gets slagged off for it, but she doesn't want to send money for the kids' parents. As she puts it, they have husbands so they can make an effort to support them instead of drinking and smoking all the time.

She works in a supermarket and yet they seem to think she's loaded!