As you already know I am hoping that i have made a good shot. Now how to end up hell I am in? For all those years (yes, I know it sounds unbelievable) I have been suffering abuse from my partner. She tried to hurt me physicaly many times: stab me with scissors, knife, smash bottle over my head, beat me, etc. Always rude talking to me, on few occasions also f... words. She can't control her anger and doesn't want to seek any help. Overall it doesn't and won't work. With hand on my heart I can say that she is responsible for problems in this "relationship". I have enough of constant psychological, emotional and physical terror. Every time I try to talk to her about it she ends up being aggressive. Among all of it are kids. Yes, I am paying high price. How to finish it to not make it worse? I dont want her to use kids as a weapon..
Tough one................ As opposed to starting a new relationship, you should try to make the present one work. If you love your kids, and don't really want to leave this relationship, then you should try to contact Relate http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html They could be able to help to find a way out of the rut you both find yourself in. Starting an online relationship is the wrong way to go about it, as the more you fantasize about it blossoming, the more alienated you become to your family and present situation. You will resent the fact of going home after work, and once there you will be morose and alone, which will drive your partner even further up the wall, because she senses that something is wrong and will try to get it out of you any which way she can....... All sort of crap will be going through her mind, and more importantly insecurity due to misguided suspicion of infidelity. Maybe she is worried about the kids future in case you leave, and the more unhappy you look the more she wants to know what the problem is. So abandon the idea of starting a relationship with an innocent party, because she doesn't need your heavy baggage. Unless you divorce first, wait a couple of years, sort out access to the kids, and then think about starting a new life, I don't see it as a viable option. On the rebound even before getting dumped......... call that plan B..........? Relationships........... Take two to tango.......... Spend time talking and communicate your fears, your hopes, your dreams, don't be afraid to ask her help, and importantly share everything, because that is what commitment is. If you think you are in danger, do contact the police and report her for spousal abuse. http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm http://www.ehow.com/how_5113500_report-spousal-abuse.html http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence
I feel you, I know what you are trying to say. All of it above has been going for many years. We are not married so makes things a bit more simple. Ive tried literally everything but she doesn't want to seek any help nor sort our relationship out. I always say two make a relationship. Cannot blame entirely one side. Everything got worse when she started using facebook. She then has found there her ex boyfriend whom wants to stay with. All my efforts are pointless. She continues to spend hours on facebook. She does not want to even speak.. All I get is constant abuse.. If you ask me where was my fault... i dont know what to answer. I forgave her every time she was violent to me, we loved each other, then ignition again. When I wanted to sort things out before bedtime so on a next day we all would be happy, she didn't want. She rather kept all in her heart and don't talk to me for two weeks or more despite my efforts to kill the conflict. And then that her ex got involved. It won't work. I don't know whether I made a mistake with that online relationship. It's a gamble. Kids... I will have access to them, we both work, she won't take them away from me. When she works I'm off and vice versa
Sorry, can't edit the post... If you asked what has ignited such an aggression I answer I don't remember. Such silly things not worth remembering. The more I stayed calmed the more she was aggressive. I was thinkin of writing something like Terms & Conditions of our separation. So that she won't use kids as a weapon, nor financially abuse me. Will it be a legal document if both of us is going to sign it?
Straight to the point and great advice, Dom The only thing to note is that they are not married, so it must be domestic violence
I would not stay there if I was being abused regularly. Everyone has rows and sometimes shouting or bad words are used but regular physical abuse is dangerous. I think it is time to move on :attension:
I really have no experience of such things - no former partners and no children. But it seems that you are trying to escape a relationship and find healing by jumping straight into another. You really need time for yourself, only then can you have any chance of healing yourself, to find out who you really are, when the person causing you such pain can no longer have such an influence on your life. I cannot think of any more advice to offer.
I will simply add this.. Call 0808 801 0327, this is the number for the Men's Advice Line, a confidential helpline for male victims of domestic violence and abuse. Here is their website
Yeah... Our landlord has got one room available. He doesn't ask much so time to move on. One of my friends has got the same problem, she kicked her husband out cause of drinking. So we understand each other and easier to deal with pain.. Everytime I look at her she is with her iphone using facebook. Nothing helps, all my efforts are pointless...
Maybe a couple of weeks without you around to help, may prove advantageous in this case. But i wouldn't bet my last piso on that......... It brings back memories, tho..... Which are best forgotten.....
Hmmm... I'm doing night shifts at hospital soI had a chance to weight myself. I have lost 3 kgs within last 1.5 weeks thanks to all these "i hate you", "f.... off", tried to be stabbed with scissors.. My landlord is not here in the UK till end of february, tough he has got a spare room.. Im trying to keep up with all situation... I don't feel like eating but I feel that I am loosing energy.. Trying to eat, smile - be positive. Have to stay strong for kids... I am thinking of taking some antidepressants but does it really help? Does it kill the pain? Yeah, I know I have sympthoms of depression. I hope I will manage again. But this time it's time to move on... Now... new friendship I started.. It is nice.. we are telling each other words that were completely missed with woman I have 2 daughters with.. It's nice.. makes me smile, since she met me she has never logged on dating site again and. she also changed her profile.. feels geniue. Will see how things will go on... thanks for all your support, guys
ad4ms3, It is good that you feel strong for the kids. Have you thought of the consequences of staying there and letting the kids see what is happening to you? You know kids copy the actions of their parents
Regardless of whichever course of action is chosen, someone will end up in tears................... Normally it will be the kids..............
Hmmm... they to small to understand... I am worrying that they will copy mother's behaviour.. I am worrying that they will lie to their future partners about love, faithulness, loyality, respect... Elder one has already mentioned that we should say sorry to each other and don't fight.... Hmmm... I wish it was that easy.... My biggest worry is that mother of our kids might make our contact very difficult? Can she really do it? Coz as far as I know eve fathers with behavioural problems, aggressive, etc may still see their kids under supervision as requested by court... I would love to move on but this is my biggest worry... Solicitors are out of plan coz of their charge... Ya, someone will end up in tears...
Since I move out things got slightly better at the beginning.. We had an agreement with regards to the kids but it seems to be broken. I have no choice but to get a legal adive and involve a solicitor as it becomes very difficult to see kids. I can see them only when she works or they need something which drives me insane. I love them so much and not seeing them nor being able to talk to them even over the phone is very tough. To make things more complicated mother of my kids is a... Filipina!! I was always wondering why was she so aggressive towards me.. Her past, childhood is the only reasonable answer I have. Now since I met my Mahal i see and feel how much she loves me, supports me.. Just like she said to me: "You haven't met a right Filipina".. I am so happy with her, all the things she gave to me I appreciate so much.. we're getting married next moth or on beginning of October. I'm very happy to have wife like her, I couldn't ask for me but there is still a battle with mother of my kids to win. I wish I hadn't met that woman at all... I can only blame myself. Everybody including other Filipinos warned me to stay away from her: "Take any Filipina you know but stay away from this one".. I didn't listen. Now I am paying my price...
Oh! Dear, so this means both of them are Filipina. Well, as your GF said you haven't found the right Filipina for you I wish you luck that she is the right one then! My husband's colleague was unfortunate with Filipina and Thailander both fooled him. Took all his property and abandoned him!
Now she wants a revenge. I went to the Philippines twice so it is time for her to get her exbf here. I don't mind it but he will deal with my kids and this causes the biggest pain to me. I can't imagine some other man will touch my kids or try to father them. She wants to give me visiting hours for my daughters while in fact this man can be with them as much as he wants. How possibly she can make an invitation letter for visitor's visa if she works for an agency, she has no money, keep on receiving letter from barristers, etc. If there were no kids I honestly wouldn't mind him coming to visit her.. Is there any way to stop him from coming?
Do you know the name of the guy? make an inquiry about his background. the only possibilty I can see that she can do is to get him on a student visa or as a relatives. If you know his name you can easily report it to the immigration and tell them that this guy is not related to your ex wife and it's just her ex. So the immigration can block his application due to intent to defraud. If they try to apply for a visa it will always be denied unless he change his name and use different passport, then it will be falsification of public documents. You have many ways to stop them coming to UK. Alert the British embassy in Philippines and give your ex name to them so they can give her a thourough check whoever she is intending to sponsor to go to UK.
