1) Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number 2 rule follows. 2) Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it. 3) Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about 1 foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better. 4) Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually rule every relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control. 5) Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of HelloKitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip and demand to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, she will never understand it. 6) Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself. 7) Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere inside you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow - you must be a sun changing and constant as the firmament. 8) There are NO MORE RULES to making your Asian girlfriend eternally happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the primary rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case
If this was a list for my wife she would need the following added: 9. Ensure that she gets lots of snacking. Especially Mr Kipling pies. 10. And feed her lots of cropwell bishop blue cheese and other strong cheeses.
The most important thing is really to keep your Asian girlfriend as far as possible from your wife.........
Now, this particular rule is highly pertinent to my case. My Filipina ex wife lives about a mile from me; my Filipina girlfriend arrives on Guy Fawkes' Night. Ex wife has offered to show girlfriend how to watch Eat Bulaga. Any advice very welcome!
Well, all I can say is that if my ex wife invited us round then my now wife's knowledge of English swear words would be put to good use. I think it all stems from when my ex wife invited us round soon after Luz got here and her and her husband promptly began to tell her about what her responsibilities were as a step mother. Let's just say it was the last time we visited them together! If my ex wife tried to tell her how to do anything, I know the air would turn blue! I see it as a good thing, though. I get the ex on my case a lot less than I used to now!
You're having a larf. I would steer well clear. The day that I would let my ex-wife within five hundred yards of my wife, myself or my next door neighbor, is the day that I have my head replaced with a cauliflower.
As Jane Austen almost wrote: IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a pair of shoes of good quality must be in want of a handbag. However little known the feelings or views of a man may be on his first entering into matrimony, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of all right thinking women, that he is considered as the rightful person to provide not only the handbag, but the dress and the matching lipstick.
