Filipino-Western relationships. Love or a mutually beneficial arrangement?

Following a recent discussion that interested me, I have posted this short survey. I do apologize if this has been surveyed before. I didn't see one. I hope (if I did this right) that its possible to select more than one option. I would be very interested to hear views on it.

To start an accompanying debate then, let me share a story with you which isn't intended to cause offense but rather to open the debate.

When I first visited the Philippines I was surprised to see quite how many older western men there were with much younger filipina women. As a 38 year old at the time, it initially made me feel (frankly) a bit uncomfortable. I immediately (and probably quite wrongly) assumed that these couples must only be together because of some mutually beneficial arrangement. Initially I even assumed they many of these were just 'pay by the day' girfriends, so to speak, and so, I worried a bit that people would judge me accordingly also.

After a few years, I grew more used to the sight, but I personally always feel that many people are ready to judge the sight of a westerner with a filipina as being a 'mutually benefical arrangement'. There is a lot of negativity - I have encountered it myself. I am sure that everyone has had the experience of well meaning friends and family saying lots of negative things, or of people in the philippines doing likewise perhaps.

So. I wanted to gather consensus. Do people on the forum overwhelmingly view these relationships as true love, or do the people on the forum overwhemingly view these relationships as being mutually beneficial?

Additional edit:
This really is an attempt to encourage debate. I'm not setting myself up to be the 'bad guy'. I'm genuinely curious and I'm looking for an adult debate about this subject. So please. If you feel the need to try and start a flame war. Try and resist. This isn't personal and its not supposed to be offensive.

I'n 25 years older than my wife and it's the best relationship I've ever had by long way. Based totally on love and compatability. Nothing else.

Nobody has said anything negative about it, apart from you who seems to feel uncomfortable about us being togther. Sorry about that. You'll just have to get used to it.

No offence, but get stuffed.

I didn't say anything negative at all. I'm sorry you seem offended. I Did say the story was not intended to cause offence. I was just trying to encourage an open debate about it. I'm sure you realise that some people may judge you, even if I personally don't. I don't see why you seem so hostile when I was merely opening a debate.

The only people who might judge us are people not worth knowing.

I was married. I got a divorce. I found someone else. I got married again. That's it. What's to judge?

Another dirty old man here.

My partner is 34 years younger than me. Together 4 years. Yes...I really excelled this time. The last one (married to for 15 years) was only 17 years younger.

I do hope this doesn't offend anyone, or just give them indigestion.

Dirty old bugger!!

Laugh. I'm not personally offended. I'm really just trying to work out the dynamics because of the other thread which interested me and in particular, you will remember that @bigmac posted that he was aware that his wife wanted a UK passport and seemed to imply that this was one of the aspects of their particular, mutually beneficial arrangement.

So, given the age difference, and again, please don't be offended, do you and your partner feel that there is a 'mutually beneficial' element to it, or, in your case, is that not something that you have discussed? Do you feel that your families view it that way? I'm just curious.

Bigmac's situation seems a bit of a weird one to me. Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship under those circumstances, but he seems happy enough with it so good for him. I certainly don't think it is typical.

What is your own relationship dynamic? Was there a mutually beneficial element to it (whatever that means)? As a naturally suspicious person, why would you only consider relationships with an age difference to be like that?

Why do you think people of a different age cannot just get on and be compatible? Whatever reasons you come up with, I bet you are wrong.

Surely no less likely than your own relationship, which has people from a different country.

Did your wife marry you because she wanted a British passport?

No offence, but you are coming across as a bit self-righteous.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to come across as being self-righteous. Frankly you come across as being overly defensive. I can understand that. However I'm not questioning the validity of your, or anyone else's relationship. Its a shame that someone starting a debate always has to draw fire from people isn't it?

All good questions. I'm 6 years older than my wife. We met by accident 4 years ago when I was not living in the UK. Of course, initially, one wonders whether there is a hidden agenda to the relationship because of all the bad press that people from the Philippines get. However, I don't believe that she has any great desire to live in the west. I don't believe that only relationships with a large difference may have some 'mutually beneficial' element to them. Indeed I think that many marriages, mixed race or not, probably have an element of that. However, it does seem to me, more likely, when a very large age difference is observed, that there must be some element of that to it. I dont believe it an accident that it's usually only hollywood film stars or extremely rich older men that manage to capture considerably younger (western) wives. Why not your average 70 year old? Women have often voted for wallets in one guise or another.

If you read my post, I never claimed that people with very widely different ages couldn't get on and be compatible. Where did I say that? I pointed out that I was surprised to see it - after all, you must admit that its not the norm, right? Frankly, I'm sure I am not the only person to raise an eyebrow when a couple with wildly differing ages shows up. Why do such couples occasionally make the newspapers? I believe that people often may question whether such a pairing might have a mutually beneficial element to it.

However, I'm not in a position to judge anyone regardless. I was just curious and trying to poll opinion and to discover the facts.

Theres only 33 years between me and the missus married 4.5 years met 5.5 years and yes there are some raised eyebrows but not from anyone I "know" your questionnaire however , would never cover anything but generalities, I for example could only tick two boxes , others would be to narrow to be meaningful (I only say this for academic rigor) .

For example I met a Filipina on a dating site (English was the initial consideration) we chatted for 8 months I went there for 6 months discovered deal breakers and ended it but liked the connection with Cebu and ex pat friends I,d made so after a year having not gone back to dating sites I returned for 8 weeks and met my missus through one of the members here by semi accident So having had the first experience for sure had realised the enhanced possibilities of meeting someone in the Fils but without a time agenda or any certainty.

I also think that all loving relationships and marriages are by definition "mutually beneficial" or they dont last theres no way to separate them nor reason to , if thats not your experience how would you caracterise the difference?

I agree. I wasn't happy with the limitations of the survey tool on the site. I realize that it won't be statistically useful and that academically its not rigorous. I agree that all marriages to some extent must be mutually beneficial otherwise why would people undertake them?

There is an interesting article here about age differences:

http://www.austin-institute.org/research/ask-a-data-scientist-age-differences-between-couples/

This doesn't really answer my question - but it does show that in western society, it would seem that the majority of people tend to partner with people roughly their own age.
However, when I visited the Philippines and looked, and also judging (rather unscientifcally) from the comments so far on this forum, it seems to me that this statistic is skewed somewhat in the case of fil-western relations and I'm curious why that is. There has to be resaon for it.

Is the reason because filipina women tend to prefer older men regardless of race? Is it that western guys are perceived as being rich and hence are able to more easily attract a younger partner due to economic disparity? Is it that the members of this forum who are posting are not representative of the true demographic?

Bigmac's situation seems a bit of a weird one to me

ha ha--its a very weird one to me.

background to my life

married at 20--divorced 13 years later.

married 2nd time--not connected to my divorce in any way----that lasted 24 years--she died.

i was devasted--and very lonely--met --then married a year later--wife #3----but a year later discovered she was a supreme con artist and made a fool out of me. we tried to make the best of it--but it was doomed. she walked out--thankfully.

around that time met my new partner---so--yes its very much a mutually beneficial arrangement. i dont want to live a solitary exsistence in my old age---and she wants to settle in the UK. so--no rose tinted specs here.

in the near 4 years of our relationship--we have lived together just over a year. in that time we have grown to love each other---but in our way--even if others may think it is weird. i wonder if our other senior members feel the same way.

Some extent? That to me should read "invariably" and more interestingly why you dont think that?

The members here are an exact representation of the Forums demographic including you John

i can think of several reasons why ive come to love her

I don't think it should read invariably. There are plenty of people in relationships that clearly are not good for them. Sometimes people fall in love with the worst possible person. Likewise, people on the forum are not necessarily representative of the entire set of fil western relationships and furthermore people posting on this thread or the ones that I have read form a subset of that.

exactly what she said.

I was under the impression that it's legally impossible to be a national of no country and hence stateless. How did she manage to irrevocably lose the nationality of her birth? (just curious - not having a go..)