Am I fool or not?

I went to Cebu for 2 weeks in August.

I tried Filipino Cupid for months before and spoke to loads but never worked out. Whilst I was over there someone I met in 2017 who I kept in touch with introduced me to her best friends sister who lives in Negros Occidental.

I'm 35 British and she is 20. I paid for her to come over on the boat and we spent a great week together getting to know eachother. I also met most of her sisters and also her mother.

So she was starting college in September so when I got back home she wanted me to pay for it which I don't mind sending £100 a month for college, boarding house and food etc.
I have turned down a few requests from family members for money.

Her oldest sister is married to an American guy and they live out there and he seemed alright and the family seemed decent.

I've already booked to go back out in December for 2.5 weeks over Christmas and we've talked about getting married and her moving over here to Scotland.

I wanted her to put a photo of us on her Facebook, she put it on her cover photo for 2 hours then deleted it, she said that if everyone sees she has foreigners boyfriend all her friends and family will be expecting her to be rich and have money for them.

We talk every day through messaging and sometimes on video call.

Yes I guess she is partly with me for money for college but I'd like to think it's more than that? And I'm with her for her looks and of course her personality too.

Hi Robbie, everyone will have there thoughts on this from what you have said, the obvious red flags are aside from her asking for you to pay for her College, and secondly her family already asking you for money, then you say you have spoken about her moving to Scotland in which case you paying her College fees there are a waste of money, for me everything is being rushed I would cut out the sending of money and see what the reaction is. There are plenty of women out there many who do not ASK for money those are the ones that I would be looking to find.

Huge red flags, and I don’t say this lightly. I’m also a fellow Scot so got your back but this is very rushed. The asking for money, profile picture is all icing on the cake. I would take a couple years, yes years to get to know each other first before you start lending money or getting married.

Yeah, sounds like you're the one being groomed... pay for the boat... pay for my college... what's coming next ?

£100 a month is small change compared to what an ongoing relationship will cost you. ( Visa fees. IHS surcharges, flights. a wedding etc.)

baboy--thats what my wife calls me.

Actually--£100 a month for college--accommodation and food is a bit of a bargain.

my wifes sister, brother and daughter came over earlier this year on 3 years working visas. They were sponsored by a large business group providing staff for a special needs care company. Thats how it seems to be.

Wow guys...well after more red flags I stumbled across her Pilipino college boyfriends profile. Apparently she got with him 2 weeks ago and being behind my bag. I think I knew I was the fool but definitely feel stupid now. It really hurts as well, I guess I should of known.

No need to beat yourself up over it, it happens, dust yourself down, chin up onwards you go! The very best of luck in your quest

Don't feel bad. Better that you found out now and not 18 months down the road. In fact, bearing in mind some of the stories on here, you did rather well and definitely dodged a bullet.

You will find another. She may or may not be the one, but don't act in haste, and don't send money until you've had The Conversation with her.

Hi again Robbie, hey no need to feel down it happens.. I guess you will still visit the Philippines again because no need to change your next planned vacation just go back over there to wherever Palawan, Panglao, Boracay, Surigao or wherever you choose to go you will still enjoy yourself. My only advice is take your time don't rush into anything and for sure you will find what you are looking for, yes when you're there spend money having a good time and giving a good time. Jeez you work hard so play hard that's what life is about, YOU know yourself most westerners are regarded as being a good catch so you will be spoilt for choice just be careful when it comes to relatives and spending on this course or helping with Health care etc etc, It will be more difficult meeting genuine working filipino ladies as they will be at work, so no issue using dating sites just set your red flags and don't go beyond them, also dont restrict yourself to chatting to just one lady it's a long way to travel to find that you have nothing in common, just be open with whoever you are chatting to.
My wife never ever asked for money prior to us getting married or since (the family are not well to do) since we have been married one of her relatives asked to borrow money from her (she foolishly agreed) which was never paid back, only this week the same person asked to borrow again, so just be very careful the old age saying about a **** and his/her money, good luck take your time and enjoy life.

Hi Rab, Being a fellow Scot I think I am allowed to call you that? I lived in Cebu for a couple of years with my partner and we were to have a son together, I realised Cebu City was not a place to to bring up the Bairn, the air pollution was really bad there so I decided to move to a place with cleaner air, I'd heard a lot about Dumaguete being Foreigner friendly, so I did a little research on the place and just out of the City there is a little place called Valencia this is 600ft above sea level and the air quality is good, so the three of us had a trip over there, we really liked the place especially as it had a small but nice public park, it was a no brainer so we moved and we have no regrets in doing so.

Many relationships fail between Foreigners and Pinays, often the cause being the Pinay being just too young, most 20yr olds there have have no life experience and lack common sense, I lived over there for 8yrs (noo am back in Scoatland biding in ma ain wee Hoose in Kirkcaldy) during this 8yrs I had met many Ex-pats with a tale to tell of a failed relationship, however I also met many that had a happy life there with their partners, the best of them was where there was not an extreme age difference, (I have known of a few where there is a difference of 50yrs) what does seem to work there is when the Woman is half the mans age plus 10yrs this applies mostly to men of around 60yrs with a Woman of 40yrs, in your case a 30yr old would be a good choice, preferably not having been married and without a child if you want to get her over to Scotland.

You really did have a lucky escape this being a very cheap lesson learned, I have known a couple of Foreigners both old farts that were to have built Houses for their Pinays the cost being around P5M, only for them to be kicked out when the house was finished in one case the Foreigners was chased off by his wife's brothers holding a Gun to him, in both cases there was a wide age gap and also both men had a vasectomy, most Pinays want a child with a Foreigner to have a child with a light skin known as a Golden Child is very desirable to them.
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I'm going over to visit my family also in December, look me up then and we can hae a pint or twa.

i reckon you dodged a bullet there. What makes you think this new boyfriend is new ? I reckon i know where your £100 a month would be going.

Hi Guys, thank you for all the amazing replies, it all helps so much.
After one day of hurting, the next day I had snapped out of my stupidness, I think I fell into the infatuation trap too quickly. I've been back on Cupid and speaking to a 25yr old now who has a job and seems more mature. I also told her about all my previous failings, she just finds it funny, so do I. We are talking every day on video call - maybe she will be the one but I need to learn to slow down.

That’s just pocket money for baon to go to college.

If anyone scams you, ask for Raffy Tulfo’s help! He will sort them out!

OK Rab, you fell of that horse and now getting back on again good for you, it sounds to me that you are likely to be a Tuechter frae the Heilands and an easy target for the scammers? Just take it slow and learn all you can about this new woman. not all Pinays are scammers in fact the majority of them are not, most of them are on these dating sites to meet a Foreigner to carve out a better financially secure life for themselves, something they are unlikely to achieve with a man from their own country, the average wage for a working class man there is around £6 a day.

For a man of your age did you ever think to get on a British dating site and look for a woman there that was from a Foreign background, perhaps a good choice for a 35yr old that needs to work in his own country? It is difficult to maintain a long distance relationship with only a few weeks holiday in the year? My own son here in UK did that and found himself a very good wife they have been together 15yrs and have two children.

The best thing ever about Foreign women and especially those from third world countries is; they never get the headaches in the Bedroom unlike their British counterparts, who use that asset they sit on to advantage themselves only ever when it suits them once the Honeymoon is over? added to that they are all Fecking Bi-polar Screaming Banshees and now insist on wearing the Trewsers in the Hoose.

One thing you should be advised of that your are unlikely to hear on any Ex-pat forum especially here where it concerns the Philippines, likely I will get some flack for this? the education system there takes young people and Fecking wrecks their intelligence and and spits them out with a very low IQ, I have had a few Pinay GF's and moved to live with a couple of them in quite rural districts where there seemed to be no other Foreigners, eventually the lack of stimulating conversation got the better of me and I had to get out of there. The partner I have now has a collage degree a somewhat sensible and honest woman, after all she did choose a Scotsman? however sad it is to say this? she is not so very clever and has little to talk about that interests me, she is a great Mum to our young son and tries her best to make life good for me, nothing is too much trouble for her. This is great for an old coffin dodger like myself of 70yrs but when I was half that age it would not have suited me.

I've seen lots of your comments on other threads, love the brutal honesty. I'm actually a Fifer.