Since we are separated I am having very difficult time to see my kids. In the beginning we have had an agreement that when she's at work I will look after them and vice versa. Agreement quickly broke down and it is very hard to see my little daughters. She's a filipina, I don't know why is she using them so much against me? I feel like she wants to destroy me emotionally. Last time I saw them on monday for literally half an hour before my work. Since then absolutely no contact at all so I contacted police to check their safety. I didn't want any problems, troubles, I only wanted to check their safety and nothing more. Every time I am longing to see them, hug them, kiss them, bond with them. She will not open the door, despite my knocking, I even bang to the window and she will not respond. I only want to spend some time with kids!! I am trying to involve a solicitor but I don't know if I can afford it, if I am eligable for legal aid... Now she's texting me, that 3 and 5 years old children said they don't want to see me. Even if they have said that which I don't believe, they don't mean it. Needless to say I see and feel how much they are happy when they see me and enjoy every single moment of being with me, even daddy sometimes has to raise his voice to remind them who's the boss She is doing everything to stop me from seeing them. Sometimes I think that it would be best just to give way, wait till kids grow up and contact me but what will I tell them if they ask me "where have you been father?" She has no job, working as a TNR in the hospital, so can only attend shifts that are available. That means she's working only few days a month. She has no money to pay bills, e-on warns her with cutting off electric..
If your name is on their birth certificates then you have Parentel Responsibility and if you go to court you will get access. I went through a similar thing 8 years ago. My ex would not let me see my son and I had to take her to court. We had to have seperate meetings with a family officer who basically told my ex that there was no way she could stop me seeing my son, the courts agreed and she had to let me see him. If thats what you have to do to see your children then do it as you will get access.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with a solicitor.. I hope I will be etiitled for Legal Aid. I was keep on avoiding solicitors as we have had some sort of agreement between ourselves but I think I should have sorted it all out when we have separated. Especially now I'm affraid she will give me hell as I am getting married next month and will be away for 3 weeks.. I can't postpone my marriage as I have already booked flight ticket ....
so what was the reason for the separation, if I may ask? I mean, that reason could've been the cause for her to not let you see the kids.. and as you said, you are getting married next month... it could be that she doesn't want her kids with your fiancee for some reason? are you supporting your kids financially at the moment?
Whatever her reason is she cannot stop me from seeing them, from spending time with them.. I left cause of her constant physical, emotional violence and aggression towards me in front of the kids.. I am not innocent (always two to make a relationship and two people fault when it breaks down) but nothing explains such behaviour in front of kids' eyes. I have never ever witnessed such violence from anyone... I offered her support, that i would create a standing order on her bank account and she said that if I do, I will not see them anymore. So i didn't but whatever they need I have been buying, I am always there for my kids and suddenly it all fell apart..
That is a typical action of a woman if she cannot overcome the reason why you left her or what went wrong with your relationship. She target your weakness which is the children, emotional blackmails. My husband when his English ex wife left him she did the same, she doesn't want any support so she brought up their son on her own and when he grew up, he wanted to be with his father again but the reason he came to see us, is because his mother told him and has control of him, so they planned to destroy his new family. :shock: They were 20 years divorced when we got married and until now she still wants revenge! She is the one who decided to end the relationship and later on changed her mind. She approached my mother-in-law to win him back but she told her, she has no control of her children's decision. Once she shut the door for him he will never return and so he didn't. Until we found each other, similar case happens to us, I shut the door and even nailed the damn door, but he still comes back! :lovey: If you are meant for each other, your love will last! Time will come your children will grow up and they will look for you! :baby: So don't stress yourself with her emotional blackmails!
You need to go to court and get it sorted out properly. Citizens advice bureau is free if you need more help. Any particular reason you had 2 children with this Filipina lady without giving them your surname ? Maybe I'm old-fashioned. My Filipina wife and I split after being married 12 years, but I made sure that we kept on civil terms come what may....for the sake of our boy. I have had custody of him for 4 years now, but then again I've acted in an adult, responsible and unselfish way throughout, so that he would not be mentally scarred in any way. He goes for holidays with his mother (who now lives in another country). I'm also on very good terms with my two stepchildren, who are adults now, but come to stay with us from time to time.
I went to the solicitor and it seems problem is temporarly sorted. I can't say what will happen in the future however letter she received solicitor has proved her that I will take every single possible step to see them. We're getting married next month and all the things Mystica has mentioned scare me. No matter how much I want to be away from my kids' mother I can't.. There is always a connection cause of the kids. When we will live toghether I still will be seeing my two little girls, and I am afraid this woman one day will want a revenge. For me being away from those kids is heartbreaking. I know they will find me in the future but me as their father is very painful not seeing them growing, etc.. My two little girls have my surname only.. I do't know why she teaches them, that in their names is also mother's surname while in fact on birth certificates is mine only.
Don't be frighten, so long as you continue your relationship with your daughters, they will appreciate it and cannot be easily brain washed. My hubby's case is, he did not make an effort to see his son and did not maintained close relationship as he went abroad and so he hardly see his son. :der: So he thinks his father don't care about him and that's the time the mother can influenced the children. Maintain your close relationship with your daughters :baby: but at the same time protect your present wife from them! Expect the unexpected to happen, as your present wife is not their mother and their mother will put on their mind she is the reason why you left them!
Sorry to hear of your troubles with not seeing your kids. When you get access to them, pick them up and drop them off promptly and don't give her any reason to refuse access because of being late. Try not to get into any arguments with your ex as you see your girls and keep in mind that seeing your girls means more to you than whatever happened in the past with your ex-wife. I always think that if you don't say anything negative about your ex-wife in front of your girls they will respect you and enjoy seeing you more and more. Enjoy your time with them and be with them as they grow up. Best wishes for you on this
She is not bothered when i drop off my kids as she knows they are safe with me. It is a frustrating game from her side rather than some valid reasons to not allow me to see them. Yesterday even more problems have arisen.. My wife to be seems cannot accept that I want to spend time with kids despite us being married and living together. She's terrified that my ex will try to destroy our marriage or threaten us. I know my ex will turn my kids against my wife but I am explaining to them as often as I can why mommy and daddy can't live together, they (my daughters) are always reassured I love them, that daddy is going to marry tita lyn It is double frustrating cause she is keep on changing her mind.. On June we had a serious conversation about me seeing kids and we finally met in the middle. She knows how much I love and miss them, she accepted she will never win with them (I didn't tell her that, it was her conclusion).Then I have never brought this subject since till yesterday. All the things she said to me yesterday convinced me that she didn't accept anything with regards me bonding with kids. She knows that I have to have a contact on basic level with my ex to be able to pick up/drop off the kids. Our marriage is set up (city hall booked and paid), flight ticket bought, documents sorted.. Our June conversation made me convinced all was sorted out, she agreed that kids will stay with us as long as I want, that I will bond with them and she (my wife) comes with us, I can speak with them over the phone.. and now.. well, still ok but she won't come to the UK till they are grown enough to understand. Then she changed her mind again when I promised to keep her safe, fight for our marriage, etc..
No woman will allow their man to see their ex that often, so your ex and your present wife will never be friends! :beat: They will always try to compete with each other! Ex wife might think she can win you back and so will do her best try to win you back and the present wife will not allow it and will do everything to compete although it is not necessary, the insecurities will remain as woman find it not easy to trust their man around other woman, especially when the relationship is quite new! :attension: they think the worst of you when you are out of their sights! :der: it takes time to know each other very well! It took me 14 years before I allow my husband to be away from us and work abroad! :chain: Before I don't want us to be apart but now I learned to trust him and sacrifice for our future so he has to work away from us! Imagine how many years before I become confident in him? In order to make your relationship survived you have to be very patient, :lovey: be prepared to pass a lot of trials! Admittedly women that has strong personality can be a manipulator and very controlling! We don't stop until we get what we want and to proved to ourselves that we can rule our man. :blah: You just have to be very patient in order to keep a relationship.
