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What are my long term options for my relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by Arron, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. Arron
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    Arron New Member

    Hey everyone, I'm new to this forum but after reading a few posts I've come to the conclusion that you seem to know what you're talking about!
    Anyway, I need advice basically. Me and my GF are still both young ( both 22). I graduated from university and just got back from teaching in Japan for a year ( now job searching), and she is university student living in the Philippines.
    Of course I love her, and she loves me, but I have a feeling it will be a long time before she can come here... From what I've seen on here, the visa process is strict, long and expensive, especially since I haven't started my career yet.
    What do you think is the easiest route to take in this situation? She said she will wait for me, but I want to find out the reality of the situation, so I can let her know what she's in for if she wants to wait.
  2. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, if I was you I would first concentrate on getting your career off the ground, this will stand you in good stead in the event you get together with your loved one in the future.

    With Skype and the like it is quite easy to keep a long distance relationship going if both parties have the will, I did just that for eight years. My then girlfriend was working in Dubai to fund her three daughters university educations and I respected that and I waited until they all graduated before starting the settlement visa process.

    If you set out a long term plan together knowing you will be apart for a couple of years then you can both pull together and realise your eventual goal.

    Good luck and :welcome: :)
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015
  3. Arron
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    Arron New Member


    Thank you! I hope it won't take 8 years, but it's hard to tell at this point, especially with how the job market is at the moment. I read that I need to be earning over a certain amount of money too? I'll probably have to work for a couple of years before I get to that point anyway. I am expecting somewhere around 4-5 years.
    Good advice, setting a long term goal will make it easier :) I am also planning to visit around once a year too, as it's easier than her visiting here.
  4. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I agree with the above. It's perfectly feasible to do years long distance (I managed 4 years with my wife) so long as you have a shared goal, a shared commitment, and a plan to get you there.
    Your first goal is to get yourself a job in the UK that yields you income of over £18,600 per year.
    The second is to keep your relationship going. With videochat tools like vsee and skype, smartphones and so on, its not so bad.

    Then you can move forward.
  5. graham59
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    graham59 Banned

    You only need to be earning £18,600 gross per year, with 6 months bank statements to show that ...plus somewhere for you both to live.

    I do understand that at 22, a year or two does seem like a lifetime though. ;)
  6. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    The financial requirement for the settlement visa is £18,600 I'm quite sure as a Graduate you will soon earn over and above this.

    Planning to visit the Philippines twice a year is good, six months between trips isn't that bad and will always give you something to look forward to.

    The only possible downside I can see in your case is that you are young chap and your career is just about to start, with this new doors will open and opportunities will arise, all this will involve meeting lots of new people and making new friends. It is not therefore impossible to see you forming a relationship with another young lady in the UK........... just saying, you're a young chap.

    A lot of us here on the forum are middle aged and unfortunately we will never again be starting out like yourself, most did not have the same distractions in our relationships that you may encounter in the next few years.

    Please bear in mind that we only give our personal opinions here on the forum, there is no right or wrong, hopefully we can just give you a few pointers and ideas :)
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  7. knightstrike
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    knightstrike Well-Known Member

    Nice, Tier 5 right? Working holiday in Japan. Let me guess, you went on JET programme?

    Anyway, what do you seek to do, mate? Get married?
    Or for her to just visit the UK?

    Like what the others have already said, you will need to provide evidences that you can support your gf either way.

    An advice from a fellow young chap, concentrate on finding work and saving enough money first. Get a place of your own if you still don't have one. When you're established, then marry away.

    They're very strict with us Pinoys. UKVI/Home Office would scrutinise every single detail of your relationship, your documents, and qualifications. As of now, you don't have the means to support her since you don't have a career yet. If she applies for a visa now (visit or spouse), she would just be denied.
  8. knightstrike
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    knightstrike Well-Known Member

    You're in education, I presume?
    The job market in the UK is good.

    It won't be that difficult for you. If you can't find teaching jobs, then branch out to HR/Recruitment or even sales.
    Or work in China, Japan, Singapore, etc. as an English teacher again. Or go to the EU or Middle East.
    You probably know Japanese, that's a specialised and sought after skill.

    You have the almighty UK passport and you have a university degree. Valuable tools.
    The world is your playground.
  9. Micawber
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    Micawber Renowned Lifetime Member

    Hi Arron, welcome aboard British Filipino :welcome:

    Another option to consider would be to look to one of the EU member states that might be of interest to you both and
    decide to reside there as a worker or self-employed person for a period of time. In principle to your choosing but let's say longer that at least 3 - 6 months.
    Anyway your wife could join you there (or accompany you there) basically from day 1 and enjoy life together.

    You can both return together to UK under EU regulations when and if you decided. No need for any UK job, no need for any minimum income, no need for any expensive visa and no need for any cash savings etc.

    Yes, as you probably spotted, you will need to be married BEFORE embarking on this route.

    If anything about this sounds attractive then here's some interesting bedtime reading:-

    Freedom to move and live in Europe

    I think the above document makes an excellent start in that the principles and process get explained in an easy to understand way.
    Basically it provides apretty good summary of the DIRECTIVE 2004/38/EC OF THE EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT AND OF THE COUNCIL on the right of citizens of the Union and their family members to move and reside freely within the territory of the Member States.
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  10. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    dont do what i did--i got married at 20. get your career well established--have a couple of great hols each year----fill yer boots lol
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  11. Arron
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    Arron New Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone.
    Timmers - £18,600 seems reachable ... it's hard to find an entry level job at this salary though. It's a good point about meeting other people too, although I would be pleased if I did end up with he. Sometimes I think the same thing about her though, since she is also 22, so could probably easily find a boyfriend back in the Philippines. Hopefully that doesn't happen though!

    Knightstrike - I wasn't with the JET programme in Japan, but was there on a working holiday, working for a private English school. Unfortunately I'm only conversational in Japanese, so wont be able to get any translating jobs at the moment :(
    Eventually I would like to get married, although that's quite far down the list at the moment as I will still need to get a job and my own place to live. I considered teaching again, however I think it's better for the future if I try and build a base up here in the UK, as it will make it a lot simpler in the future if I have a stable income and a place to live too.

    Anyway, solid advice everyone. I'll aim to get £18,600 at least, and take it from there :)
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  12. Anon04576
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    Anon04576 Well-Known Member

    Good luck Arron :like: Wish when I was your age I had the possibility of meeting a filipina alas it took until I was in my early forties. So you've already got some nice experiences in your young years. :)
  13. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Good idea Arron, at least now you have a starting point on your long journey, to earn the £18,600+

    Just take one small step at a time and you will surely achieve your goal, after reading your posts I am quite confident about your chances.

    Please keep us posted on your progress and if you need any help or advice on anything relating to the Philippines just post and one of the good people here on the forum will do their best to help you.
  14. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I hear you, it must be such a fantastic experience for this young man, I'm jealous :)
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  15. Arron
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    Arron New Member

    Yes Filipinas definitely seem to be very kind people! Even after staying in Japan ( where people were very friendly), they don't seem to match the personality of people from the Philippines.
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  16. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Its great you appreciate their nature, if you have not yet been to the Philippines then you are in for a fantastic time there, your loved one and her family will see to that.

    Where in the Philippines does she live?
  17. knightstrike
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    knightstrike Well-Known Member

    Yes, build upon the future first.
    What's your degree? Role that you are after?

    You could easily earn 18,600.

    Just keep on applying.
    Even if you get rejected, your CV still gets stored in the employer's/recruiter's database.

    Also, if you don't have a LinkedIn profile yet, make one.

    -----------

    If someday you decide to travel to the Philippines, I can show you around. I'm a bit older than you, but we're still in the same age range.
    I'll tour you around the clubs, night spots and young crowds. I know the good ones. I'm British Pinoy by the way, so I could relate both to you and your gf.

    I'm heading to the UK though, so don't take the offer yet. Hahahahah...

    22, is she from Manila? If so, I'll make a guess that she studies in Ateneo or La Salle? Hahahah...
  18. Arron
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    Arron New Member

    Yeah it's great how genuine and natural they are :) I'm planning to visit there next May, although we are thinking the best way to do it. She's from Cabadbaran, so it's not the easiest place to go to. She said she will meet me in Manila and then if I wanted we could meet her family afterwards. We are just trying to think of the best, and most affordable way to do this.
  19. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    A profile on LinkedIn is a very good idea, my last two positions originated from there.
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  20. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I can understand money being a concern, the members here, especially the ones that live in the Philippines could give you some sound advise on visiting whilst on a budget.

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