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Please Help.

Discussion in 'General Chit Chat' started by Oldhusband, Mar 17, 2019.

  1. Oldhusband
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    Oldhusband New Member

    This is my first thread here and i don't know where to start,so i will just kinda blurt it all out as i type,and hopefully make some sense.

    The problem involves my daughter.

    She is 4 years old and lives with her mother (my ex) and her family in the Fili "provinces."...My ex has just the one child,who she had with me.

    Her mother is a Filipino and i am from the UK.We fell out some 18 months ago and she has moved on to another foreign guy,who i know very little about.Fine.That is not a problem.,

    The problem is that i have been TOTALLY BLOCKED out of my daughter's life for some 6 months or so now.In the 12 months before that i only got to see her three times on cam.In short,she will not know who i am even if i see her on cam.I stopped sending money 5 months ago because my ex was not responding to my emails,FB messages.

    What i am worried about is my ex marrying this new guy and taking my daughter to live in another country.I will never see my daughter again if this happens,as my ex is very probably going to make the new guy her legal father (i am 100% her biological father,but my name is not on the birth certificate,as i was not in the country at the time of her birth...apparently i had to be there at birth to be named as the legal father).

    My ex is EXTREMELY TAMPO and very pig-headed.She thinks with her heart,not her head.She will think nothing of making her new boyfriend my daughter's dad.At time of writing this i do not even know if my daughter is ill or even alive!!.There has been a total news blackout!!

    Please help me...where do i stand legally....can she take my child to another country and start a new life without my say so??....i cannot visit the Filis again to see my daughter because

    1.They will not let me see her.
    2.My life would definitely be in danger.

    I have no family/kids here in the UK,and i am absolutely at my wits end worrying about my beautiful daughter(PS,I am DEFINITELY the bio father,so please don't ask).

    Any advice would be welcome.

    Thanks.
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  2. john jones
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    john jones Active Member

    Hi.
    When you say ‘ex’ you mean an ex wife or ex girlfriend? As I understand things and please fact check what I say but If it’s an ex wife you’re probably aware that she can’t divorce you to marry the new foreigner unless she gets an annulment. His relationship with a ‘married’ woman is still in the eyes of the Church and authorities both wrong and illegal and he could find himself in trouble for being with her.
    It must be very hard for you to be in the position you are in not knowing how your daughter is, but think positive that although things have not worked out with you and her Mother, that hopefully her Mother will take good care of her. Good luck my friend.
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  3. Oldhusband
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    Oldhusband New Member

    Hi john ...thanks for the reply.

    My ex was just my girlfriend..but as for being a good mother,i am sorry to say that she does hit my daughter when she loses her temper.

    The worst part of it is that she hits her in anger,as opposed to a measured smack on the hand if my daughter misbehaves.

    I am really struggling right now worrying about my daughters welfare,though my ex does have a very good job,and money should not be a problem for her with regards to feeding our daughter

    Cheers.
  4. Oldhusband
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    Oldhusband New Member

    If anyone else is looking in,i would really like to know where my ex stands with being able to take my daughter out of the Filipines to go and live in another country,with another guy as her legal father.Some advice as to where i stand legally would be gratefully accepted.

    It is chewing me up to be honest

    thanks again.
  5. oss
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    oss Somewhere Staff Member

    The legal position is that she has total control until at least the age of seven, I am very sorry to say that she can probably do what she wants, you have little if anything to say in the matter as far as the Philippines is concerned.

    It is heart breaking but it is the real world, back in the day my name was put on my son's birth certificate even though I was not present in the Philippines at the time, the rules surrounding that may have been tightened up since then, however in reality I would have very little say regards any choice that my ex partner made regards my son or my daughter even though my kids are now well over 7 years of age.

    I have an official DNA test for my daughter it was required at the time 10 years back to get her a British passport but even that would likely make little difference if Ana chose to move them somewhere else, for me my only good fortune is that Ana is not in the Philippines at the moment and long may it stay that way.

    If you don't mind me asking what age are you? My son was born when I was 46 and my daughter when I was 49.
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
  6. Markham
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    Markham Guest

    Sorry but I have to tell you that your former girlfriend holds all the cards and, as Oss correctly states, she has full sole legal care and control over your daughter. As you are not named as the father on your daughter's birth certificate, you have absolutely no parental or familial rights under Philippine Law. Therefore your girlfriend can move abroad and take your daughter with her without needing to seek your consent or even inform you of her plans.
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  7. PorkAdobo
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    PorkAdobo Active Member

    Where in the Philippines does your ex live? I know you say "province" (which can encompass a whole load of things), but if she is close to a large city, there may be private detectives who could at least give you peace of mind or information about your ex, her new partner and future plans.

    Failing that, I'd bet there will be plenty of people in her barangay (and even immediate family), who would put loyalty to one side for several thousand pesos. I know it sounds like you've been blocked from social media and I can understand why you would not want to visit her home yourself, but Filipinos are often very open on social media. Surely it would not be that difficult to track down some of your ex's associates and neighbours on Facebook?

    In the event that your wife moved abroad, to be honest that may be the best thing for your daughter in terms of her education and future opportunities. Who knows, depending on where she ends up, it could even be better for you in removing some of the hostility and danger of the province.
  8. Drunken Max
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    Drunken Max Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    The best thing to do in all these things is negotiate. It may stick in your gullet but try. Ask for some contact, allow her control and offer some maintenance in return. You may have to invest now to reap a reward later when your daughter is older. Certainly link contact to money. Also insist that her daughter knows that you are her father and will be there for her. Dangle carrots like your will etc. Explain how your ex will at least have a reliable source of money even if her relationships fail. Be reasonable and try and build a new relationship with your ex as parents of the girl, not as ex partners. In it together etc, visits to the uk possibly. When she has a view of what she might be losing in the longer term then she hopefully will see she could be cutting of her nose etc. it will require some strong antacid on your part though
    • Winner Winner x 2
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  9. Markham
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    Markham Guest

    Or he could move-on with his life and find a partner who doesn't treat him as a sperm donor and run-0ff with the next attractive man she sees.
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  10. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    its no different in the UK--if an ex wife decides to poison your kids against you--theres not a lot you can do without dragging the kids into a mess that was not of their choosing. it happened to me--and history repeated itself--its happened to my son.

    his ex turned his kids against him--now shes swanning off to marry some mug in the USA and taking the kids with her. they are in their teens--and theres nothing their dad can do about it.
  11. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    He can. I know from my first divorce that she cannot legally take the kids to live in another country without his permission.
  12. Drunken Max
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    Drunken Max Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Sure if he doesn't give a toss about having links with his daughter, why not. On the other hand he wrote this post asking for advice.
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  13. Markham
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    Markham Guest

    That's under English Law, Philippine Law is rather different.
  14. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I get the impression Bigmac's son is in the UK from his post.
  15. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Yes. He is. Im not sure about the legal position...so what happens to his kids if he does legally prevent it...and the mother goes regardless?
  16. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    He looks after them himself.
  17. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    He would be happy to do that..but they wouldnt. It just aint happening.

    Out of interest..just what would happen..legally ..if she just takes them..?. They want to go with their mum.
  18. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Guest

    Are you named as Father on her birth certificate?
  19. Drunken Max
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    Drunken Max Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    No he wasn't as he was not there at the time. It would need a DNA test ( which might be a good idea anyway )
  20. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Guest

    I should of read his post instead of skimming through it.. He says he`s not on the birth cert.
    According to R.A 9255 there may be legal recourse..
    My only suggestion is to consult a highly recommended lawyer for advice in the first instance.
    Mind you,foreigners consulting lawyers here is fraught with financial danger..


    SECTION 1. Article 176 of Executive Order No. 209, otherwise known as the Family Code of the Philippines, is hereby amended to read as follows:

    "Article 176. Illegitimate children shall use the surname and shall be under the parental authority of their mother, and shall be entitled to support in conformity with this Code. However, illegitimate children may use the surname of their father if their filiation has been expressly recognized by the father through the record of birth appearing in the civil register, or when an admission in a public document or private handwritten instrument is made by the father. Provided, the father has the right to institute an action before the regular courts to prove non-filiation during his lifetime. The legitime of each illegitimate child shall consist of one-half of the legitime of a legitimate child."

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