Phone network error causing mistrust

Hi all,

I live in the UK.

I met my girlfriend online in November 2017, and we spent an amazing week together in Manila in January. I'm already booked to go out to see her again in April, which she's been super excited about.

Now, I'm unsure what advice you can really give here, but if anyone has any similar experiences to help me through this, I would be very grateful to hear from you.

Annoyed with her crappy data network when trying to call her via Facebook, I decided to add an international call add-on to my phone contract and gave her a buzz on +63.... The call connected and I heard a voice but it was quite distorted. It sounded like her, but I didn't hear enough before it cut off.

I tried again, this time calling 0063... I got through and she answered (confirmed via FB Messenger), but she asked me a question I couldn't understand - it sounded like, "Why are you calling from this number?". I asked her to repeat a couple of times, as it seemed an odd question so I figured I was mishearing. She cut the call.

So, I got back onto Messenger, and it turns out she was asking why I was calling from "Singapore". I am in the UK, using a UK 'EE' SIM. This phone or SIM has never been to Singapore.

I attempt to assure her I am in the UK, but she gives me the silent treatment for about an hour. I desperately send her photos via Messenger of me at home (she's seen my home plenty of times in photos and video calls), with my tablet and our Messenger conversation in shot, so she can see they're current.

She comes back and asks what I'm hiding. Then posts a screenshot from her phone, showing my call coming from Singapore. I'm at a loss. I try to video chat her, so she can see I'm at home, but she's not having any of it.

I chat with 'EE' who confirm I am in UK, and verify the calls I made to her mobile number, but they can't explain why they originate from Singapore on her phone. The 'EE' agent advises that she's "refreshed" my number, which might help.

So, I send screenshots of the 'EE' chat to my girlfriend via Messenger. She responds, still unconvinced, saying she saw the call (0063....) from Singapore and heard my voice on the other end.

But then she says the first call I placed (+63....) came from the Philippines(!). I tell her I am calling her again, to see if 'EE' fixed it. She doesn't answer me, but she confirms this time my +44 mobile number shows on her phone.

What the Hell is going on?

The last thing she's said to me is
"Am going to sleep now
it's okay forgot it
The important where you gonna be happy"

Which I don't really get.

Now I am on tenterhooks, wondering if she believes her phone, or me. I really love this girl and we have already been talking at length about a long future together. I totally understand why she's shaken by this, but I don't know how I can convince her I'm being honest and this isn't my fault.

Anyone have any insight or similar experience?!

Thank you for taking the time to read.

maybe she has been hurt in love before--and just a bit wary of anything she doesnt understand. my wife is like it with me sometimes.

Oh dear! Never heard of anything like that. When I used to call asawa I used to use a VoIP service as BT direct calling was damned expensive.

The VoIP wasn’t great as it would break up on occasion. It worked by using VoIP but then connects to the regular telephone land-line exchange in the Philippines. That’s how the call managed to be considerably cheaper.

These services as I say, have a local land-line in the city/country you’re calling but the international bit is via voip, the internet. Some providers don’t do it this way.

I can’t image EE operating like this but your call somehow got routed via Singapore, weirdly.

Our company doesn’t have an office in Ireland but we sell goods there. Customers in Ireland ring a number in Dublin that is picked up in our North Wales office. We answer with “Top o’ the morning to ya!”. No we don’t I’m joking about that bit

Your GF should take your comments at face value, I mean you even proved it by phoning from the UK shortly after (though that can be spoofed but thats another story).

Can you not skype with her?

You haven't really known each other for very long , so the trust side of the relationship hasn't had chance to develop yet. Filipinas can be very sensitive at times . No disrespect , but Im guessing that you are both quite young ? Anyway , I hope you can overcome your problem . Good luck .

Viber is far more reliable than Skype which, since its acquisition by Microsoft, has got a whole lot worse. Microsoft is only interested in Skype's subscribing customers who do still get a decent level of service.

Not a promising start to a relationship.

Some Filipinas do love their 'drama' though.

What is she going to be like if and when she REALLY takes ownership of your life ?

I used to work for o2 and have no idea why that would happen. Give her time she will come round

@bigmac
She's told me that she's had her heart broken three times before, and I think each case was by cheating. I've tried to re-assure her I would rather die than betray her trust or be disloyal. And I sincerely mean this.

I hate cheaters myself, and it would never ever cross my mind to cheat on a girl who's chosen to be with me and love me.

@HaloHalo
Yes, well I even asked her if she seriously thinks I called from Philippines, Singapore, then UK in the space of an hour or so. I think she actually believes that I have three SIMs, one from each country, and that's why the international codes come up as they do. But obviously, a Singaporean SIM, being used to call Philippines from UK would still show up as originating from the UK - I just don't know how to convince her of this.

@oss
Your reply, while depressing, is a shot of the truth for sure. I am totally besotted with this girl and she's been totally into me too. I have a lot to offer her, and have always been completely upfront and honest about everything and anything - I literally have nothing to hide from her. I want a life with her, but if she can't find it in her heart to trust me or have faith in me, it's going to be difficult.

@Mattecube
We used to Skype everyday, while she worked in Bahrain, but since she moved back to the Philippines we found Facebook Messenger better (but to be honest, where she lives, it's pretty abysmal - we might get 2 minutes of video chat before it craps out). Sometimes I send her web pages to read and she says the page won't even load.

@OTT
I'm 40, she's 30. I do think the relationship duration is a factor, but in agreement with @oss I wonder if she'll ever get over this mistrust thing?

Skype to phone works OK for me.

I recall in the past the number shown is not always the UK phone I registered with Skype, possibly an issue with VOIP routing over international phone networks

Get her to phone you back on your UK number.

I'e always found Skype ok.

The problem here is you cant use logic to overcome these kind of trust issues what you have is an emotional 5 year old in a womans body good you know now

I had a few experience of that.

I used to call my parents from dubai using my dubai number to call their ph celfone number. Sometimes they would answer the fone and asks who is calling. I find it weird sometimes because they have my number saved in their fone and still asks who is calling. When i ask why they dont recognize me, they said it was an unknown number (doesnt start with uae international number).

"Very sensitive" - You got that right referring to a Filipina

Perhaps you could take a selfie standing next to a UK newspaper showing the date?
A bit fiddly getting the date large enough to be seen but it can be done.

How about a selfie at Big Ben and a dated newspaper!
All bodes well for the future..... tread carefully

Hopefully she will come around to believing you after a while . You really have to forget everything you ever learned from your past relationships when you get together with your first Filipina , and start learning all over again . Hope it gets sorted .

I suggest you get a globe SIM card and add data to it in international roaming, and then talk to her. The line may certainly be clearer.