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Is this tampo?

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by thingymejig2, Apr 14, 2019.

  1. thingymejig2
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    thingymejig2 Active Member

    Since my fiancee (and now wife) came to the UK end of November, life has been nothing but bliss. We got married last month, have had loads of fun out and about. Eating, travelling, meeting family etc. We've both been so happy. We've had so many good times these past four months, I've had to pinch myself on a number of occasions!

    But then, all of a sudden, either Friday night or Saturday morning, something unbeknown to me happened.
    She's gone cold. Won't look me in the eye. Turns her back to me in bed. If she responds to my questions at all, they're mostly blunt, one word answers.

    I've asked her straight - what's the matter? What's wrong? She simply says, "nothing". I've asked her if she's missing home - "no". I've asked her if her family has upset her over something (a regular occurrence) - "no".

    I've asked her outright, if I've done something wrong, or upset her in any way. She says "no". I push it and say, "but there's something wrong?". She says "no". It's actually quite irritating to be completed stonewalled like this! :frust:

    Yesterday, she didn't once kiss me, or tell me she loves me - for us this is significant as it's the first time that's happened since we started living together.

    I just asked her if I can make her a drink, she said, "I can make my own". All the time, never looking in my direction.

    All I can do is giver her time and hope that she snaps out of it? Is this normal after the four month mark? Is this my first real encounter with "tampo"? :eek:

    Any advice from the pros on how to deal with this would be welcome! :D
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2019
  2. oss
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    oss Not Here Staff Member

    Sounds like Tampo, I have never found a solution.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. graham59
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    graham59 Well-Known Member

    Tampo.

    Ignore it. Don't fight it. Don't try to understand it. It's the way they're brought up.
  4. Druk1
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    Druk1 Active Member

    Tampo is for small children,not adults BUT some pinays are still small kids in their brains,thats an accurate description of tampo,ignore her and she should snap out of it,whenever I had a woman who displayed those annoying symptoms I knew she wasn't a keeper for me.
  5. Daveyw1988
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    Daveyw1988 Member

    That’s spot on really
  6. Druk1
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    Druk1 Active Member

    I lived in the Philippines and Hong Kong long enough,saw it often with different women :lol:
  7. oss
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    oss Not Here Staff Member

    I would agree with that.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    a bucket of very cold water sometimes snaps them out of it.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. John Surrey
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    John Surrey Active Member

    Yah - Tampo - for small kids and pinays -like my wife - she's much better now but used to get it all the time.

    Best solution (imho) just totally ignore it and carry on as if nothing is wrong - have a beer and get the karaoke out :D
  10. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    Totally ignore it, and give the same treatment.
    Go out and shop on your own.
    Two can play that game.

    It works form me.

    They cannot stand being ignored......... They soon snap out of it.
  11. Mattecube
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    Mattecube I have no need Trusted Member

    I would be looking at the whole picture from the start:-
    How many times did I meet my partner and over what period?
    Have we rushed things?
    Where there times when I wondered what was going on? @thingymejig2 didnt you start a thread last year about phone communications and mistrust and how your GF and you couldnt communicate for a while?

    Very easy to fall into the holiday romance bit the bang bang visa and bang bang issues?
  12. HaloHalo
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    HaloHalo Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Asawa doesn’t do tampo. She knows it doesn’t work. She adapts easily and is virtually British therefore says it as it is... well to me anyhow :)
  13. Mattecube
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    Mattecube I have no need Trusted Member

    I doubt you would live to tell the tale!
  14. Daveyw1988
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    Daveyw1988 Member

    Yep exactly...ignore and the6 will snap out of it...I’ve had the lady be tampo...I carried on things....didn’t message....then she started messaging as those nothin happened
  15. thingymejig2
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    thingymejig2 Active Member

    @Mattecube, yes there was a couple of difficult times last year, but she has since told me it was all because she never thought she would actually make it to the UK. She explained that she never believed she could be so fortunate, so lucky; and thus found it difficult to believe it would happen to her. Even when she received her fiancee visa, she said she felt convinced something would prevent her being able to leave Ph. This all seemed a reasonable explanation for that behaviour (combined with the stresses of a long distance relationship) - especially considering how relaxed and easy it has been since her arrival (until now!).

    But maybe that was just babble. Potentially, in the 17 months I've known her, this is the third time she's done this. Reading/watching some stuff about tampo online, a lot of opinions are that tampo only last minutes, to hours. But I guess every person is different.

    She's going through her period at the moment, and one of my close friends had mentioned to me last year that his wife is unbearable *every* month for a few days at this time - even their kids know to steer clear! He just said it's something he has to live with - so maybe it's just hormones?

    I'm continuing to just leave her alone for now - I just hope I'm doing the right thing!

    Thanks all for your feedback and personal experiences.
  16. thingymejig2
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    thingymejig2 Active Member

    That's precisely what she was like when it happened last year. Saying everything was cancelled, she wasn't going to come to the UK, blah blah. Then, the next day, "good morning baby how are you?". Like she had no memory of it.
  17. Daveyw1988
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    Daveyw1988 Member

    Haha yeh that’s how it is really...don’t talk to much to heart....yeah it is annoying as hell but it doesn’t last to long normally and yeh..period time....hmmm even more reason avoid with some people lol
  18. Mattecube
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    Mattecube I have no need Trusted Member

    Good luck remember every person is different ignoring may work for some,communication works for others!
    • Like Like x 1
  19. thingymejig2
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    thingymejig2 Active Member

    Just tried to have another conversation with her. Never looked me in the eye once. Just sat staring at her phone (even when I specifically asked if we could talk).

    I asked again if i'd upset her - to let me apologize.
    I asked if I'd done something to make her fall out of love with me.
    I asked if she wanted to go home.
    For the most part she completely ignored me. Then just said, "if you want to send me back to Philippines then that's up to you".

    I tried what I can to get through to her. She's just having none of it.

    She's being so unbelievably cold. A completely different person.

    Slowly getting to my wits end! :frust:
  20. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    Testing the resolve, marking the boundaries of her power..

    As I said.. Ignore it and give back just as much silence. Take a ride to the shop on your own.
    • Agree Agree x 1

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