1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I Crazy?

Discussion in 'Personal Discussions' started by Davidshush, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Davidshush
    Offline

    Davidshush New Member

    Thanks for the recent replies. They are helpful. I'm a pretty isolated person and an introvert. Maybe I'll try a Thai Bride or something.
  2. ChoiAndJohn
    Offline

    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I don't agree with this. I wouldn't waste the money on the trip without getting some commitment out of her that she gets rid of the other guy. I reckon that doing this, you'll just prolong the agony and end up even more confused.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. graham59
    Offline

    graham59 Banned

    Get yourself on a plane (£500 return + a few hundred spending money). A couple of weeks should be enough to sort yourself out. Borrow the money if need be. What the hell.

    All advice on your trip is available here. No excuses !
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. ChoiAndJohn
    Offline

    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I seriously wouldn't try anything like that until you're in the mental space where you're happy with yourself. There's nothing worse than entering a relationship of any kind based on neediness or desperation. You have to ask yourself - why is it so important that you have a bride at all? Perhaps you aren't happy in other areas of your life. Having a bride isn't going to fix that. I would look at the root cause for all this, rather than use a woman as a band aid. Good luck.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. CampelloChris
    Offline

    CampelloChris Well-Known Member

    Why would you choose a Thai woman? If you think there are cultural differences between the English and Filipinos, I imagine a Thai to be like trying to create a friendship with someone from another planet.
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Funny Funny x 3
  6. Timmers
    Offline

    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    You might find yourself on exactly the same road as you are now if you opt for a Thai girl, maybe its better to find an English girl.

    In a long distance relationship it can only work out if there is mutual love, respect and trust for each other, you have none of the afore mentioned going for you.
    • Agree Agree x 4
  7. Davidshush
    Offline

    Davidshush New Member

    The Thai Bride thing was just a joke. I don't think rushing to see her would solve this. I feel she must be capable of lying to me, or at least hiding important information. She managed to do this for the past 3 years at least. She said that she had some things to tell me but didn't want to tell me until I was there with her...I think that would have been a disaster. It sounds like she was waiting to see who showed up first and then decide if she didn't like one to hold out for the other. I just can't believe someone who I thought was so sweet and decent could be this twisted. The kicker is she claimed I was bad for not believing in God! "How can you be moral without God?". Amazing.
    • Agree Agree x 2
  8. ChoiAndJohn
    Offline

    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    You are probably right. There is something not right about it. My wife knows a woman who looks quite sweet on the surface who has had a succession of 'internet boyfriends' sending her money (sometimes simultaneously), visiting her (in turn) and dumping her (eventually). Her main objective is to get money. A lot of it. And she has saved more than a million pesos in the bank. She's been scamming her own sister for years to make payments to her on a property that doesn't exist. These people are out there.

    There are also decent, nice people out there. I would seriously advise that you give it a break. And when you're ready to climb back on the horse, if you do choose to try and date someone from the Philippines, then I recommend that you make sure that your income level will support a visa application, and is enough to allow you to visit the country. In the meanwhile, there are plenty of people on your own doorstep. :)
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. bigmac
    Offline

    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    @Davidshush

    bear in mind that a new life in the UK is the stuff dreams are made of for millions of Asian girls. try joining an asian online dating site---and they will come calling--in droves. just keep the chat light--and cock a deaf un to all the requests for money. and if you are (understandably ) attracted to philippina girls----just remember many could well be married---and that brings a whole new world of expensive pain.
  10. firew0myn
    Offline

    firew0myn Active Member

    @Davidshush you are entitled to sulk for a few days over what you found out. But please stick to just a few days and not weeks, months, or years. Don't be too hard on yourself, sell yourself short, or make yourself someone else's option instead of first choice.

    This is what I always read when I know I have to let go of something. It always gives me that extra push.

    "One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

    Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return; do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

    Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."
    • Like Like x 4
  11. florgeW
    Offline

    florgeW Lady Mod Senior Member

    Welcome to the forum.. just my 2 cents... we have a saying in Filipino (translated now in English) that goes - if you really want it, there are ways; if you're not into it, there are only reasons (or something to that effect).. in other words, if there's a will, there's a way.

    Having said that, if she really loves you, or would like to take a chance with you, and would really want to meet you and make things work, and even after you telling her of your 'financial' struggles, would still want to see you, she would make a bit of 'sacrifice'. For instance, if struggling to pay for your trip to Phils, she would offer to perhaps pay for your hotel or pay towards spending money etc. If not then I think she's not into you mate.. she's just not..

    By the way, I offered that to hubby when we were planning to meet for the first time. It's to show him that we're in this together and I'm not after your money.. the 2nd and 3rd trips though were different..

    Good luck.. and if you really fancy a Filipina, why don't you go to barrio fiestas near you and you'll perhaps meet someone there.. you'll never know ;)
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
  12. aposhark
    Offline

    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    David,
    IMO, when two people meet online they should get to know each other for a while but there must be a point in time when the man (as a Brit can find the money and can travel to the Philippines but it is not easy for the lady to do the same) must visit her.
    If it works then great but remember "a faint heart never won fair lady".
    A woman needs commitment so she feels she is not wasting her time.
    You really have to move on and reassess your life. Best of luck with this.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Davidshush
    Offline

    Davidshush New Member

    I think if I had gone to see her earlier then the situation would be more or less the same. She still wasn't telling me the whole picture from almost the start. First with the other guys she met, then with the Japanese bf, and then with the new British bf. I would have gone there, become even more obsessed with her(if that's even possible), then been in a similar position. May have saved a couple years but I never thought she would go for me anyway. That only changed less than a month ago...at which point she was still claiming to be single!

    When I became that emotionally invested was when I started to look at everything in more detail and spot some issues. Hence the original post. She actually said to me that she remembered asking me to wait 10 years when we first began talking! I don't remember that but like I said, after her telling me she felt the same(even telling me she loved me), that is when I took it as a good time to plan on seeing her.

    I could have just about scraped something together and probably been there comfortably in about 6 months. Assuming a quick 10 day trip costing around £3000 just to see if she would have wanted to continue the relationship. Whether or not I had done that in the past 3 years it would have been the same. She would have the other guy on the go at the same time and I'd be £3000 worse off.

    I feel a bit cheated and I really don't think this married guy is serious about her which makes me feel sick knowing they'll be together. 3 Years and he hasn't been to see her either, he has a good job etc. I think he'll see her, have his fun, then never come back. Just gut kick after gut kick. I've really never felt this low before. Thanks for all the replies and messages. This is just such a struggle.
  14. graham59
    Offline

    graham59 Banned

    2 weeks will cost you half that. It's a 3rd world country, not NewYork.
    • Agree Agree x 3
  15. Davidshush
    Offline

    Davidshush New Member

    That must be nothing to a British guy who works abroad...so why hasn't he been to see her already? Or has he?
  16. oss
    Offline

    oss Somewhere Staff Member

    David, you have a lot of issues here, five years, yes I agree with everyone else there is 'nothing there' this is not a relationship this is a 'phishing' expedition.

    Had you met this person many years ago then yes there would have been a tenuous relationship, but you haven't so there isn't, all you have at the other end of an internet connection is a robot that is responding to you.

    You are in a fantasy land where you care about this person's other potential boyfriend and whether or not he has seen her, good god you have not even met the person, it is all fiction until you do.

    Wake up sir.
    • Agree Agree x 5
  17. CapasPaul
    Offline

    CapasPaul New Member

    This should be none of your concern.

    I fear you may still be looking at this god fearing girl with rose tinted spectacles. It's very possible that the girl doesn't want a long term relationship with this or any other foreign guy. What she has admitted to you may only be the tip of the iceberg. She just wants a few easy pay days.

    Even though so many Filipinos profess to be devout Catholics, they are only religious when it suits them. If you discovered that this girl actually has a local longterm boyfriend who tolerates her 'misbehaviour' with other guys, it would be no surprise whatsoever. Don't judge her for this. If you were in a poverty stricken situation, you might also do, erm, 'immoral' things.

    If you have finally closed the book on this girl, my advice is not to go looking for any internet based relationship. You're 34. We did penpals when we were at school. I used to send regular letters to Marcel in La Rochelle, France under a school penpal scheme. I didn't tell him that I also wrote to Lars in Paderborn, Germany. He'd have been devastated! You can't expect any girl to be loyal in such a relationship.

    As Graham says above, a 2 week trip to the Philippines shouldn't have to cost anywhere near £3k. Flights can be relatively simple to find for £500 and less. Comfortable hotels (not hostel/pansion house with shared CR) no more than £30/night. Food can cost you peanuts. These figures are on the 'high end' of the average amount. It might be a splurge, but it's well worth it in comparison to 5 years of achieving completely nothing. For goodness sake, only make contact with another girl if you are going to follow it up with an actual meeting.

    From the way you have described yourself, I can read between the lines and get a sort of understanding. It's not easy for everyone to get into a relationship with a girl back home. Intimidation, inexperience, shyness all play a factor. That's probably what makes internet relationships more appealing. The Philippines is a much easier country to overcome all those fears. After all, you often see fat, ugly Western bloke and, assuming he's not a millionaire, he usually has a fat, ugly Western bride. In the Philippines, that bloke rarely has anything other than a gorgeous and enchanting partner. If you've sort of been left behind back in the relationship race back home, the Philippines is a great country to get back on track. Just remember, it's useless doing it solely online. Will never work. Recipe for heart ache. You have to make the plunge and visit for real.

    Heck, if you want to come with me in May, I'll stick you on my airline staff travel and Sexyko can ring up a few of her cousins for dinner dates. Free travel - just pay for your accommodation and food!
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Dave_E
    Offline

    Dave_E Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    David.

    From what you say, you have everything to lose by visiting the Philippines.

    Visit Thailand for ten nights instead, easier to get to, less expensive, and it will help to get the "crazy" out of your mind.
  19. Markham
    Online

    Markham Guest

    Wow - that is a very generous offer! Well done that man!

    ps: You do know that I am your long-lost son, daddy! :lol::lol:
    • Funny Funny x 3
  20. Anon04576
    Offline

    Anon04576 Well-Known Member

    We must be related, I"m his uncle! ;)
    • Funny Funny x 3

Share This Page