Hi, I joined the website a few weeks ago after reading some of the posts offering advice on all aspects of meeting and marrying someone from the Philippines. So I value the opinion/advice of people here if they have the time to read a bit about my situation. I met(online) an amazing woman 5 years ago. We got on quite well right away and although there are differences(she is a superstitious Catholic/Christian) and I'm an atheist, we seemed to "click". Very early on I developed feelings for her but didn't say much as I assumed she was out of my league and had a number of other potential partners throwing themselves at her. During the past 5 years we had many conversations that were pretty deep but I always felt like she was holding back. I never pushed her to become emotional as I didn't want to scare her away. After 5 years I began thinking maybe I would be in with a chance if she still wasn't having much luck, and recently my dad suffered a cardiac arrest right in front of me, forcing me to realise that life soon passes by so perhaps shooting for the stars isn't such a bad idea sometimes. So a few weeks ago I opened up to her, I told her exactly how much I wanted to be with her, we talked on the phone, she said she felt the same way...except when I told her I love her she replies with just "thanks". She also seems to "disappear" for a day or 2, sometimes 3 at a time without letting me know before hand. Before I expressed my hopeless love for her this wasn't a problem. But if you claim to feel the same way about someone would this be considered "normal" or "healthy" communicative behaviour? The first time I was convinced she'd died. A gas bottle explosion, a random bullet from a shooting, a car accident etc. The second time I thought she'd suddenly "gone off" me. The last time happened today, the 2nd day I thought perhaps she had met someone else. Turns out she hasn't and went away with family but for some reason didn't let me know beforehand. Each time this happens I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function. I sit and I cry and I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me. I also sent some pretty strong messages this last time insisting that if she doesn't contact me soon then I can't see how we can continue in whatever it is we have as it's tearing me apart. Nothing angry or name calling, well perhaps a bit angry, but more of a somewhat controlled panic? A few things to note and I apologise for the horrible scatter gun writing. I'm 34, she is 28. She has an 8 year old son. When we first started talking she quickly said she liked me a lot back then and I distinctly remember her talking about possibly moving to Japan after her studies. Last month she told me her last boyfriend was Japanese who basically came over 3 years ago, had sex with her, told her she was too fat and then left. Previous to him was a Filipino guy who fathered the child. She has also told me about at least 3 other "foreigners" she's met up with but claims nothing has happened with them although she did apparently stay in the hotels. So am I crazy to get into such a state as I do? I have been single for 8 years and I don't do one night stands, so I've been "sex free" for that time as well. At first I was getting over an ex, then I met this girl online and I could only think about her. Knowing that whilst I had her on my mind she was meeting others(and not telling me until much later) has been playing on my mind a lot the past couple of weeks. She never asks for money but I know she struggles. She moved back in with her mum, brothers, sisters, etc. after her dad died just over a year ago. I'm so confused by the way she treats me but is it my diseased brain going crazy or do I have some genuine concerns by the sounds of what I'm spewed out here? When she's giving me attention everything else fades away. Also my financial position is somewhat unsteady and I'm not entirely convinced someone with my experience or background etc. can make enough to keep flying out to see her, get married, sort out the needed income for living in the UK, yadda yadda. I'm basically lower class scum(I don't claim benefits!). Even saving to see her once would be a strain. Am I crazy? Am I sucking on a pipe dream that's going to explode? Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.