Marriage in the Philippines Catholic wedding

Yeah I agree with all that. We've also had the *ask other people to ask the parents for money* syndrome. We've also had a case where a sibling owed us money. She's gave us part repayment of 5000 pesos. Then she changed her mind and said it was her money and we owed it her. We later bought her kids bikes for Christmas costing 7000 pesos. Next day she demanded the 5000 pesos we "owed" her. There's no justice or grace in this sort of thing. You have to be firm.

Thats a bit off isn't it. I have heard this that its quite common out there that they consider a loan as a gift, especially from the "rich" members of the family. But luckily I've never experienced what you're saying, them demanding the money back. We've sent money in the past for whatever reason then found out it wasn't used for that particular thing. The wife has gone spare at them and we now have a sister and brother she's not spoke to for about 3 years. Which is fine by me, it shows the rest of the family we're not messing about. As long as they play fair by us we try to be fair by them.

a loan is often considered a gift. You usually don't get paid back. The spending money on a different item to that initially stated is a perennial favorite. It's particularly annoying if you send money for say a medical bill and then you find out it got spent on something else and then you get asked again for the money for the medical bill. It's even more annoying to the highest level when it dawns on you that if you're not firm then people will literally take and take and take until you've got nothing left. Fortunately I've always been firm once I saw which way the wind blows.

Some great posts on this thread.

I would say: just be completely upfront from the start about what you will or will not do. It took me a while to understand the culture of support there, which sometimes can be seen as parasitic. As soon as anyone gets any money, it gets shared out. So few actually have any savings. Sometimes in comparison they can see our culture as selfish and mean - and sometimes they have a point.

Luckily, after once dating a very unreliable American who lived off credit cards, my wife understands that very few westerners are as rich as it seems...Although let's face it, when you don't even have a bed to yourself and you work 60 hour weeks for a pittance and a rice diet, those that have luxuries and see them as a birthright can take the appearance of being wealthy people. Disposable income becomes greater by comparison.

I agreed to a minimum to send a month to her parents, come rain or shine. More can be sent, but given most of her brothers and sisters unapologetically leech from her parents, I'm reluctant to send more until the situation changes. It could be making a dependency problem worse. She explained it to her parents and they accepted it, as they are far from happy with most of their offspring!

However, I made sure (as much as I could) that our relationship is primary. I would suggest not marrying a woman if you think her family will be the priority in her life.

This is very true and a good point. I always said to my wife I'll help the family (brothers and sisters, her parents died long ago) , same as I've tried to help my brother and his family when times where hard for them. It is knowing when they're taking the p***, which they will do. We came to a reasonable solution that if they want help from us they must do stuff for us. This mainly consisted with paperwork for the farm (taken 10 yrs so far!!!) and building houses in the province. Take the rise and no more help, simple

These behaviours are not limited to the new foreign family member. Besides which they are generally manageable.
The family member OFW's have a much tougher time of it. Without having any acceptable manageable strategy