A Philippines lady is known throughout the world for her stunning beauty, her bright smile, her shy looks and her petite figure,
but she has to be so much more than this, to be presentable in marriage within Filipino culture.
A Filipino has one major advantage over a Western man when it comes to courting a Philippines lady, that is he is of the same race, and cultural background,
that in many ways puts him way ahead of us in finding his bride, is that true then ? no it does not have to be !, Western suitors just have to work harder to make sure that
there courtship style is more exciting and stay way ahead in the game, by learning the secrets of the Filipina.
Lets examine this further, many Filipina's are convinced that their chances of happiness in marriage will be greatly increased by having a Western husband,
She is convinced that a Western man is not a womaniser, a drinker, a gambler, a playboy, or an abuser, that is why a Filipina will tend to look for a
man who is between 5 to 25 years her senior, and thinks nothing of this, A filipina is also fairly vulnerable to being charmed, whilst some Filipina's
are relatively inexperienced in love and courtships, others are not, generally a Filipina is brought up to be faithful in marriage, to bestow favour
on her husband, this may seem sometimes to border on submissivness. A Filipina does not see it this way, she is happy to submit to the reasonable demands
of her husband, providing he does not abuse her, treats her well, and is caring and loving, one of the biggest reason for marital unhappiness cited by
Filipina wives of foreign spouses, was that "The husband did not tell her he loved her enough", this was mainly cited by Filipina Wives who were married to
Japanese rural farmers. A Filipina can be very adaptable to new situations, and is not afraid to move to another country far from home to make her life better
and happy, it is true she may get homesick, but she is prepared to integrate into new cultures and make the required changes.
A Filipina also has one major advantage over Thai Women or women of other South East Asian cultures, she tends to be an excellent english speaker, although
her other languages may be Filipino the National Language of the Philippines which is derived from the Tagalog speaking regions, she may also speak provincial
languages and may even speak localized dialects.
Really then, it would be helpful if you took time out to examine the traditional Filipino courtship style, and how a Filipina responds to words of
love, very often the traditional Filipino courtship is likened to a dance, but more importantly, it takes the form of a game of baseball, see how it works.
How do Filipino Traditional Courtships work
Step 1 - Getting to First Base and the custom of Tuksuhan
The traditional dalagang Pilipina (Filipina maiden) is shy and secretive about her real feelings for a suitor and denies it even though she is really in
love with the man. Tuksuhan (teasing--and a girl's reaction to it) is a means for 'feeling out' a woman's attitude about an admirer or suitor. If the denial is vehement and the girl starts avoiding the boy, then he gets the message that his desire to pursue her is hopeless.
The advantage of this is that he does not get embarrassed because he has not started courting the girl in earnest.
As in most Asian cultures, Filipinos avoid losing face. Basted (from English busted) is the Tagalog slang for someone who fails to reach 'first base'
in courting a girl because she does not have any feelings for him to begin with, you may often hear in the Philippines a Filipino may say to a freind "Oh I am basted" it simply means the girl has no feelings for him and his attempts to get to first base have been rejected.
Ok so far so good, so to court a Filipina you have to get to first base, this is get her to have feelings for you, this is where things can change a little, because if you are trying to get to first base with a Filipina long distance then you have to attempt to get to it in cyber world, as we have said previously in A Filipina for you
this can often be an arduous path to tread. However, if the girl 'encourages' her suitor (either by being nice to him or not getting angry with the 'teasers'),
then the man can court in earnest and the tuksuhan eventually ends. The courtship then has entered a 'serious' stage, and the romance begins, more commonly now known
in British-Filipina courtships as sparring, this is an initial period when you try to develop a broad based attraction between the two of you,
sparring is a good way to find out if there is a chance of a courtship, very much the same as Tuksuhan but as it is often being done by e mail,
text, or yahoo messaging, the body language used in Tuksuhan is difficult to gauge, that is why we recommend the use of a Web Camera on chat sessions
your girl should have no difficulty being able to get access to one, in a cafe, as other Brit-Fil couples will often say, if a filipina is interested in
you, her attraction to you will be obvious, you should be able to see some visuals in her attraction to you, now you are ready for 2nd base.
Stage 2 Going out Together.
In Philippine culture, courtship is far more subdued and indirect unlike in some Western societies.
A man who is interested in courting a woman has to be discreet and friendly at first,
in order not to be seen as too presko or mayabang (aggressive or too presumptuous). Friendly dates are often the starting point,
often with a group of other friends. Later, couples may go out on their own, but this is still to be done discreetly.
If the couple has decided to come out in the open about their romance, they will tell their family and friends as well.
Some guys are afraid of their love being turned down by the girl. In Tagalog, a guy whose love has been turned down by the girl is called sawi
(romantically sad), basted (busted), or simply labless (loveless).
In our situations, if the girl you are pursuing is turning your advances down, at least it hasn't cost you too much money,
there is nothing worse than a flight to Manila, costs of hotels, and other items, to find that you are basted.
Stage 3 - A Visit to the Family
In the Philippines, if a man wants to be taken seriously by a woman, he has to visit the latter's family and introduce himself
formally to the parents of the girl. It is rather inappropriate to court a woman and formalize the relationship without informing
the parents of the girl. It is always expected that the guy must show his face to the girl's family. And if a guy wants to be acceptable
to the girl's family, he has to give pasalubong (gifts) every time he drops by her family's house.
It is said that in the Philippines, courting a Filipina means courting her family as well.
 Filipino women are expected to be pakipot (playing hard to get) because it is seen as an appropriate behaviour in a courtship dance. By being pakipot, the girl tells the man that he has to work hard to win her love. It is also one way by which the Filipina will be able to measure the sincerity of her admirer. Some courtships could last years before the woman accepts the man's love.
So in essence, its rather as it says, going from 1st base to 2nd base to 3rd base to 4th, this often has to be done online,
so lets face it the rules are slightly different, however, you are still in a situation,
where you will need to meet the family, don't think just because you are not Filipino, that you wont have to fit into this criteria, once
a Filipina confesses her love for you, you are in the realms of magkasintahan, then the serious matter of courtship has commenced.
Stage 4 - Magkasintahan (The Lovers) 
The traditional dalagang Pilipina (Filipina maiden) is someone who is mahinhin (modest, shy, with good upbringing, well-mannered) and does not show her admirer that she is also in love with him immediately.
She must not go out on a date with several men. The opposite of mahinhin is malandi (flirt), which is a bad moral in Filipino culture as far as courtship is concerned.
Filipino courtships are long and subdued, they are discreet at first, and may last several years, after a long courtship, if the couple wish to get married, there is the Filipino tradition of pamamanhikan (from panik, to go up the stairs of the house), where the man and his parents visit the woman's family and ask for her parents blessings to marry their daughter.
It is also an occasion for the parents of the woman to get to know the parents of the man. Although because of the distances involved and the very nature of a long distance relationship, you may still be expected to meet the parents
As a Western suitor, you will be expected to ask the parents, for their support, if there is only one living parent, it would be good manners to ask
that parent for their blessing and consent, and be seen to be observing Filipino courtship practices, therefore asking the parents also for the hand of their daughter, this is still practiced.
And you should take note of this: To assume the hand of a daughter without speaking to her parents, is considered to be presumptuous.
Although it is unlikely that your parents may meet the parents of the Filipina you are pursuing, it is almost likely that you will meet her parents,
you might like to take Pasalubong for them, and perhaps an invitation to dinner is the correct setting to make a request of the parents, for the hand
of their daughter in marriage. During pamamanhikan, the man and his parents bring some pasalubong (gifts). It is also at this time that the wedding date
is formally set, and the couple become engaged to get married.
 The Filipino obsession with Bola
Mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ito bola."
The line literally means "I love you, I love you, I am not joking." Bola means ball, as in basketball. To "make bola," a patent and peculiar English Tagalog
statement, derives from Tagalog: e.g. Binobola mo lang ako, which implies saying untruths but in such a charming manner that what the speaker says
appear to be true. It's related to "binibilog ang ulo," literally making a head round -- bola (ball) and bilog (circle) have the same shape round.
It remotely recalls "drawing circles" around someone. make the title of this section sound closer to English, then: "Seriously, I love you."
That deflates the statement though, since the translation is bereft of all that affection in a suitors wooing of a woman. Affection
and the lightness of language -- for she, if Pinoy, too, knows he can just be saying it but not truly meaning it, so he enjoins her at the end
of the line plaintively: do believe me, hindi ito bola, seriously, cross my heart and hope to die. Deep down the Pinoy knows words are just that -- words.
Sounds articulated by the vocal cords. Nice to say, good to hear. They need not always carry the weight of truth. And we're adept at manipulating them.
It's a cultural attitude to language. We're not supposed to believe everything we hear.
Where is the truth of the loving, then? In the acts of loving, in the action of love -- especially those which are not meretricious;
those which do not advertise the feeling of love and loving behind the act and actions. Wala sa salita; nasa gawa. Not in the words but in the actions.
A Filipina will often be heard to say "You are making bola", she is pretty used to hearing Mahal Kita hindi ito bola !, what you are really saying is
that I love you, and that's no lie, or that's not bullshit, if you are an American, or I am not pulling your chain ! if you are a British guy
A filipina also knows that words are sweet, but talk is cheap, she is looking for evidence of your sincerity, if you say you love her,
then she will give you an opportunity to prove it, actions for a filipina are more important than words.
If you promised to book a flight and come to see her, well then, she is looking to see if you keep your word, the mere fact that you turn up to be with her, is evidence of your love for her, after all, making a trip out to see her, is very good evidence of both your intent and your love, making sacrifices at home to see her, adjusting your work schedules, saving money for holiday time is clear evidence that your words are true and have meaning.
What about words of love in a courtship with a Filipina ?
Mahal implies valuation, therefore, the other is prized, valued highly. It's root meaning has to do with the monetary cost of goods as in Mahal ang mga bilihin ngayon (Goods are costly now).
The Home Run
The Home run is said to be achieved once the girl has formally accepted your love, their is a reflection of love between the suitor and the dalagang pilipina, the receiver of the love, once the affections and the mans love is acceptable to her, they become Magkasintahan, that is the lovers, not until she has accepted your affections and love, will she consent to a full relationship, which leads to her accepting a proposal for marriage.
At this time also a sexual relationship may begin, although not always, this will differ, it may be that she will not consent to a sexual relationship until after marriage, that still exists in some families, family advices will very much figure in this matter.
Summary: Try not to take a Western Style attitude to
Traditional Filipino Courtship rituals, you will be most welcome in any Filipino family where you display the manners of an English gentleman
and show that you are mindful of local traditions, and can make positive adjustments to the culture, When the British Man is in the Philippines
his behaviour and manners will always be on show, Some Filipino's expect that Western Men, will be condescending, Sarcastic, Rude and Flippant, they are quite impressed
with a nice bright smile, a freindly chat, and courteousness shown to all those around you, respect for Philipine women is very much appreciated.
and in the end, you make it so much easier for the next guy that comes behind you..
Have you checked out Preparation for Philippines or maybe a Filipina for you thank
you for checking by our site, and good luck with your courtship.
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